Thanks again!

Nique

“I also think that Nice Guys cannot properly grab opportunities presented before them. Sometimes it takes a sense of being aggressive and “cut throat” in order to achieve certain things in life.”

You don’t necessarily have to be cut throat, but you have to be firm in standing up for yourself. You don’t have to step on the necks of others to assert yourself. I think there are two categories of “Nice Guy”. One is the Foolish Nice Guy (FNG). He foolishly thinks that being in a subordinate position with others, and merely being full of “niceties” will absolve himself from making the decision to choose. This is the root of the problem. FNG fears being challenged so rather than making the choice himself, he makes others choose for him. He’s hoping being aloofly nice will get people to like him.

Then there is Assertive Nice Guy (ANG). ANG recognizes the value of sincerity, candor, and respect, but increasingly realizes that he needs to assert himself with others because human nature is to understand that there are laws of justice that need to be adhered to. Simply, ANG keeps the pen and the sword handy. Balanced, while carefully applying his tools to the right situation. So in essence, being a Nice Guy does not mean being exploited by others, nor is the exact opposite being some cut throat opportunist. At least in my opinion.

I consider myself a ANG. I’ll send love and respect your way, but try to take advantage of me and I’ll take your head off. I don’t think asserting yourself negates being a NG.

I really liked this post. I thought many of your myths were enlightening, and well thought about. The one I’d like to comment on however, is the myth, “nice guys finish last”. Based on experience, I feel that if one is a “Nice Guy” all the time, that guy could very well be the doormat. There are times where being nice is fine, but there are other times where being the “not so nice guy” is warranted and profitable.

Many times Nice Guys are taken advantage of by not so nice people. Nice guys often cannot say no when people ask for their help. These same people ask without any forethought of reciprocity, just using a resource that they have available.

I also think that Nice Guys cannot properly grab opportunities presented before them. Sometimes it takes a sense of being aggressive and “cut throat” in order to achieve certain things in life. I have not met many nice guys who was well off . I have met many who are doing ok, or who are not struggling, but many do struggle. However, people who are not nice guys tend to step on those who are nice to achieve. Sometimes being that Nice Guy often means being a step ladder.

When I think of the term “Nice Guys finish Last” I think of a race. The Nice Guy is busy helping everyone around him get to the finish line first. Maybe someone tripped over a rock. Maybe someone lost a shoe. The Nice Guy is busy helping a guy up, helping the girl find the shoe, and when the race is over, the “Nice Guy” comes in last. Maybe it wasn’t important for the “Nice Guy” to finish the race first, and that’s ok, but the “Nice Guy” won’t get the prize, he won’t get a piece of anyone else’s prize, and neither should he expect to.