Why I Hate The Joneses » blind tradititon

Skin Color: You Are Only As Dark As the People Around You

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 05:48:46 +0000

As child growing up in America during the 80s, what many dark-skin black people will call the “Light-Skin” or “Al B Sure” era, it was not easy growing up as a dark skin kid. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for “light-skin” kids in a more darker hue community as they have been attacked for having intra-cultural “beauty arrogance”. I’m sure that some of the emotionally painful remnants of such abandoned practices like the brown paper bag test or the pencil test still linger. It’s actually quite interesting considering the “Black and Proud” era was only several decades away. It seems like the 70′s became an era of identity regression. It wasn’t until the 90s, what I will now call the “Big Daddy Kane” or “Wesley Snipe” era, that darker skin brothers were back on center stage. What also helped is my father being the handsome and dark skinned man that he was. I’ve long abandoned those adolescent insecurities, but there are always reminders around me that dark skin is still seen as a badge of disgrace or less pleasant.

Many times I want to ignore the present identity crisis that’s either internalized or imposed. I was reminded by this after watching the media avalanche of Fair and Lovely commercials that inundate the TV screens in this part of the world. Just spend a couple minutes on the Fair and Lovely commercials page to get a sense of the overt “skin color” propaganda that light skin makes you prettier, wealthier, more famous, and makes your life full of blissful prestige.

After being in the Middle East for 4 months, I was reminded that “darker skin” is still a sensitive issue. Whether it’s women using make-up that is several “obvious” shades lighter, that the skin takes on a texture that is similar to Vitiligo or men/women getting their Fair and Lovely on at the local supermarket.

I was then reminded again of this silent but deadly identity crisis by Bradin French’s new Documentary called Dark Girls.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

So for those who still suffer from this identity confusion my comical and absurd suggestion is to live in a country where you will be considered the most “fair skin”, because clearly depending on what country you are in, different shades of skin color are considered “the prize” of the cultural pack.

This cultural epidemic has global reach. I’ve seen the likes of this from America, to African cultural circles, to the Middle Eastern/Arab cultural circles, to Indian/Pakistani cultural circles and many others. Please don’t take this as an indictment against “light-skinned” women and men. This isn’t. This is an indictment against those cultural, social and community “institutions” that have normalized beauty bias while reinforcing the idea that different shades of skin color are superior or inferior in beauty. Many times the self-hatred and skin color degradation is intra-cultural.

If anyone is still in denial (regardless of what side of the color line you sit on), just check out Study: White and black children biased toward lighter skin, or The impact of light skin on prison time for black female offenders, or Perception of Race and Skin Color in Pakistan or Skin Bleaching a Growing Concern in Jamaica or Skin Whitening Big Business in Asia or Color Complex in South Asian Diaspora or The Politics and Morality of a Skin Tone Ordering. Or you can read Hochilds’ The Skin Color Paradox and the American Racial Order Social Forces from December 2007 or maybe the documentary Black in Latin America.

Still in denial?

I Wanted to Join the Armed Forces After 9/11

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 13:21:57 +0000

The title of this post is a very dark and somewhat uncharacteristic thought I had after I saw the twin towers go down. At the time I was working for ABCNews in New York City. I was supposed to be working in the World Trade Center. When I moved back to NYC in 2000, I had a choice to work for a technology consulting firm on the 103rd floor of the World Trade Center or ABCNews in Lincoln Center. I chose the latter. Seeing three jumbo plane jets (Pentagon and World Trade Center Towers) used as ballistic missiles was something that my mind could not comprehend. It was horrific, shocking, and incomprehensible. Why? Who? Is this the first line of attack? Are there dozens of other planes set to come raining down on every major city? Who’s next? Los Angeles? Philadelphia? Chicago? Houston? My mind raced around as I thought of city landscapes littered with buildings on fire, smashed jumbo jet parts, rubble, and bodies. Dozens of cities smoldering with the stench of jet fuel and charred bodies piercing our noses for miles.

I’m not sure if “patriotism” is the right description of how I felt, but I definitely felt invaded and attacked. I felt enraged that such a horrific act had taken place in my country. You know, like the big bully who pushed you into the wet muddy grass while celebrating your new mud stained reality on the ground. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw on TV. People jumping off of the tower building because the heat was too intense. Burn to death or plummet 80 stories to your death. After the fear and rage had dissipated I felt a need to react. I wanted to join the armed forces. I wanted to go to war with the villains who would carry out such a demonic act against innocent civilians. I wanted the enemy to know that this is the last time you will commit such a horrific act. But before I got my “armed forces on” I needed to know my enemy. Who did this and why?

As I dug deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of “who dunnit” and “why diddit” my patriotic/militaristic flames were quickly smothered by the water hoses of objective information and factual history. Oh really, the United States CIA had a program called Operation Cyclone to arm, train, and finance the Afghan mujahideen during the Soviet war in Afghanistan from 1979 to 1989. Oh really, after months and months of the press asking for firm evidence on the accusation that Iraq had an elaborate nuclear arms “dirty bomb” program (Weapons of Mass Destruction) the only evidence the Bush Administration can scare up is some aluminum tubes they claim are being used for uranium enrichment. Oh really, Opium production sky rockets after the U.S. invasion of Afghanistan. Oh really, unilateral approach on the Iraq War after the international community was completely opposed to this war effort. The final nail in the coffin was reading Ghost Wars: The Secret History of the CIA, Afghanistan, and Bin Laden, from the Soviet Invasion to September 10, 2001 by Steve Coll. As you can see from the evidence, I decided to opt out of joining the armed forces. At the time, my plan was to join The U.S. Marines Corps.

There are many dimensions to my grief. I grieve for the American people who don’t understand how foreign policy creates new enemies. I grieve for the Iraqi people. I grieve for the Afghan people. I grieve for the Pakistani people. I grieve for the countless innocent civilians that lost their lives, here and abroad. I grieve because we are usurped by patriotic fervor. I grieve because we still believe it’s us vs them. I grieve because Muslims are still seen as untrustworthy and terrorist sympathizers. I grieve because people will read this and accuse me of being unpatriotic. I grieve for many of the armed forces who were killed during this war effort. I grieve because this will not be the last post I write on why militarism and occupation are stone age approaches to regime change. I grieve because only a few will see the connection between 9/11 and military occupation. I grieve because that last statement will be seen as insensitive to the 3000+ who lost their lives from a bunch terrorist maniacs. I grieve because too many see the terrorists as jealous of American freedom. I have no more tears for you America but I wish you well. Carry on.

Related resources

Costs of War
CIA Operation Cyclone’s Blow Back By Mir Hekmatullah Sadat
War in Afghanistan by History Guy

Saudi Women Can’t Drive vs Every Other Problem

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 17:37:48 +0000

As some of you know, there is a huge campaign that has gone surprisingly viral over the last couple months which was sparked by Manal al-Sherif showcasing her “dastardly” driving skills in Saudi Arabia via a YouTube video. I guess it’s no surprise that what started out in the social space, has now continued to spawn in just about every social media corner imaginable. It’s truly fascinating to see the outpouring of support for many of the sisters in Saudi Arabia who want to drive.

The nature of this post is not to further elaborate on the injustice of the female driving ban in Saudia Arabia (just about every blog and media outlet has written about it ad nauseam from the NYTimes to Foxnews). What I want to touch on was a conversation that my wife (who is Saudi) and I were having this morning regarding the importance of other issues that have had deleterious effects on the region. For starters, how about the 62% Divorce rate in the Saudi Arabia?

Many people’s reaction to the driving ban in Saudi Arabia exhibits a certain type of repulsing, almost gaging response as if they saw a mass grave in front of their eyes. I do believe the ideology behind the female driving ban has a very gender-jim crowish feel to it. However, I would like to remind people of Ian Bremmer’s the J Curve: A New Way to Understand Why Nations Rise and Fall.

In short, countries move at their own evolutionary social, political and cultural pace. Depending on what country you grew up in, different social issues have a varying degree of importance and priority. What is socially horrific and unacceptable in America might not exhibit the same response in Saudi Arabia. We need to understand that issues are not black and white. They have varying degrees of complexity and concern. Our ladder of what is “I’ll burn the world down if I didn’t have this” is different from other countries. I’m not here to justify injustice, I’m here to put things in their proper context and priority. Let’s make sure we keep our eyes on the ball. If you’ve gone completely bat crazy because of the female driving ban, you should have gone just as bat crazy knowing about the other injustices that have had deeper, if not more negative effects on the empowerment of women in the Kingdom.

So when you wave your fist in rage from your armchair revolutionary seat at the alleged “backwardness” of certain countries just make sure you don’t spill your $6.00 Iced Vanilla Mocha Caramel Latte on your $100 dollar designer jeans and $200 dollar shoes while sitting in a country that has to print money to prevent a sovereign default, in addition to having a murder rate by firearm higher than the Czech Republic and Lithuania. It’s all about perspective.

Yeah it’s Earth Day But Who Cares

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 15:40:44 +0000

I’ve spent the last couple weeks cruising through the documentary Collapse on my IPhone. The documentary is on Michael Ruppert, a police officer turned independent reporter who predicted the current financial crisis in his self-published newsletter, From the Wilderness.

There is some pretty scary stuff in Collapse. Mr. Ruppert goes way beyond just fractional reserve banking, fiat currency and Federal Reserve monetary policy, but spends a substantial amount of time on the potential societal impacts for the human population because there are limited resources on planet earth.

This documentary serves more of reality check than another boilerplate conspiracy theory piece. As Mr. Ruppert so eloquently stated:

Of course I’ve been called a conspiracy theorist but I don’t deal in conspiracy theory, I deal with conspiracy fact

The audio above is by far some of the truest and honest reality check I’ve heard since Alan Moore’s Culture of Steam quote regarding the doubling of information.

Another other choice quote from the documentary so you know what we are dealing with:

If your in a camp with a bunch of campers, and a bear attacks, you don’t have to be faster than the bear. You only have to be faster than the slowest camper. – Michael C. Ruppert

Would it Kill Us to Show A Little Bit of Compassion?

Sarah Oxford — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 21:50:05 +0000

A few days ago while I on the 1 train, I was brought to tears; these tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to fathom the lack of compassion in so many hearts. My sweet son looked at me with a sort of confusion in his eyes as I inconspicuously wiped my tears away, smiling at him pretending to read a book.

An obvious addict and a young man, no more than 35 years old, was in the same car as I was, sorrowfully telling the story of how he contracted AIDS, how he was jumped by a couple of men a few weeks back, how he could not afford hospital payments to remove fragments of glass from his skull and how he was homeless. I don’t know how much of his story was true or how much of his story was a lie nor was his story the culprit in releasing such sad emotions within me. What I do know is that compassion should never be removed from our hearts regardless of one’s choices in life.

What brought me to tears was not the fact that this young man was an addict or HIV positive or homeless. It is what happened before the train stopped at the 96th street that upset me. This young man shuffled through the car holding up a brown paper cup asking for anyone to help. I personally do not give money to people who ask but I will buy a meal for them. I just don’t know where that money will be end up; maybe on a bottle of beer or on a 5 dollar hit.

As this man shuffled through the car on his bad leg supported by a cane he fell down. He landed right on his back unable to pull himself up again. He landed at the feet of a mid-aged woman and a young man. It might have been hard for him to get up because he lacked strength or maybe he was high or even a combination of both. But why do we as a society not feel the need to lift a finger and assist this man up? Have we become so cold and so disconnected than a human being is so easily neglected? One man actually got up, looked at him like a dog and walked right over him to change seats.

Now, I am all for not supporting those who choose destructive paths in their lives. However, I am also not for leaving someone to roll around like a dog on the floor while he apologizes and struggles to get up. Where is our compassion as a people? This man is still someone’s son and he may even be someone’s father, brother and/or husband. He may not deserve a dollar but he definitely does deserve a helping hand and a little bit of compassion. When the train came to a stop he eventually struggled to pick himself up and waddled of the train.

A reminder to us all!

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:

Those who are merciful have mercy shown to them by the All-Merciful.
Show mercy to those who are on earth, then He who is in Heaven will show mercy unto you. (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

Open Letter: The Color Line Inside the Masjid

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 12:08:17 +0000

Below is a letter that I would like to send to a Masjid that I have frequented for several years. I wrote this post right after last year’s Eid Al-Adha because my experiences at a particular Masjid have become so frustrating. For the sake of privacy I have blocked out those areas of the letter that would give any indication of the Masjid I’m referring to. This particular Masjid has done lots of good work. They provide a house of worship for Muslims, Eid, Taraweeh, Arabic classes for children and adults, not to mention do lots of charity. They have done many good works (fisabilillah), but have unfortunately come up short in binding the congregants together across ethnic and or racial lines. Although this letter was spawned from my experiences at this Masjid, this is a problem at many Masjids. Whether the Masjid is in the U.S. or abroad. I hope that this letter reaches as many people as possible (inshallah), especially those leaders (Imams) of certain Masjids. As believing Muslims we cannot choose to ignore this problem as being silent on this issue is akin to being an enabler of this problem of cultural nepotism.

As Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah.

It is with great sadness and frustration that I write these words. I have been frequenting this Masjid at

As a person of African descent (African American/West Indian) I have never felt completely welcome at this Masjid. I realize that the majority ethnicity is Pakistani, Indian, Bangladeshi and this monolithic South Asian community has intentionally or unintentionally created a wall of “ethnic Islam” that does not bode well for those individuals who are of a different ethnicity. I’ll explain.

Several times during the closing of the Eid Khutbah and many brothers are giving their well wishes, I have found myself completely by myself and somewhat ignored. I have had congregants look away from me and bypass me to give their well wishes to others. I have also observed this ill-loving behavior towards other brothers of African descent. This might seem trivial at first glance, but I have experienced this behavioral phenomenon in this center for several years. In addition, many times during the closing prayer and the Khateeb is rattling off countries of concern, I’ve yet to hear the Khateeb mention Africa. You hear Indonesia, Pakistan, Iraq, Palestine, Middle Eastern countries etc, but never Africa. You know where one of the largest populations of Muslims are? Africa. Over 30% of the global Muslim population lives in Africa. And considering all the issues that are going on in Africa (with such a large Muslim population), this continent should be on our Islamic radar.

Not that this is merely a numbers game, but I’m bringing this to your attention because there are many brothers and sisters of African descent (whether born in America or abroad) who feel ostracized and this cognitive dissonance towards ethnicities outside of your own needs to be addressed. Ignoring the problem will deepen the cultural fault lines in the Masjid. Even a simple As Salaam Alaikum to many other brothers is often ignored. The salaam rebuttal is robotic at best. I want to make it clear that this monolithic cultural problem is an issue at many Masjids. A very good and dear family member of mine who runs several Masjids in NY) frequented a Pakistani Masjid this past Eid (Eid Al –Adha 2010) and was given the same ill-loving treatment. After the Eid Khutbah not one member gave him and his brother well wishing nor shook his hand. No Salaams and no Eid Mubarak whatsoever. Completely ignored as if he and his brothers were the invisible men in the Masjid.

The Messenger of Allah [s] further guides us by saying:

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be hospitable with his or her guests.”

This monolithic cultural problem is not exclusive to just South Asian or Middle Eastern dominated Masjids. I have many close friends of mine who are of Pakistani and Middle Eastern descent who have frequented majority African Masids and have been given the same cold treatment. This is a problem in many Masjids, not just yours. Several years ago I visited Dubai and attended a Khutbah were the Khateebs’s main focus of the lecture was this same ethnicity issue. Although Islam makes it clear that we are all brothers and sisters in Islam, irrespective of ethnicity, I don’t believe that many people take this important message to heart, not to mention carry it out in their day-to-day lives. I want to be very clear on this issue, I’m not looking for some type of “charity love” from this Masjid. Patronizing me or others, with guilt driven acts, condescension, or empty or contrived intentions is just as dangerous. This is an issue that has to be fixed over time. Here are a couple of suggestions. These suggestions are based on successes from other Masjids that have had this problem:

Do more Khutbahs on the roots of racism and indifference. By not highlighting the problem this will not build awareness among the Ummah. Hear no evil, see no evil.
You should seek a more diverse group of Khateebs for your Khutbahs. Get groups from every walk of life. Young, old, converts to Islam, different ethnicities (especially those ethnicities that the congregants seldom see or talk to), etc so the congregants can see the Masjid demonstrating a core part of Islam, diversity.
Participate in helping countries that are outside of your culture and make it clear to the congregants that the Masjid is apart of this effort. One of the Masjids I volunteer at not only help countries in Bangladesh and India, but they do a lot of work in Africa too. Keep in mind that the Masjid is not run by Africans or South Asians. Yes, there are floods in Pakistan, but there are also floods in Dakar and Benin too. We need to step out of our comfort zone and lend a hand to all in need, not just those that have the same cultural background.
Get the congregants of the Masjid to meet up with other Masjids that are of a completely different ethnicity and/or Madhab and utilize the common ground that all Muslims have, the Quran and related Hadiths. There is no doubt this will help to melt away some of the perceived cultural differences.

Very similar to your point in the Khutbah you did for this past Eid-Al-Adha, we have to do more than just talk. Just like our children will be watching our actions, so will the congregants monitor the actions of the Masjid. With the Masjid being a central part of the community, it is critical that we remove this oppressive disease from our hearts (Allahualim). There is a perverse level of otherness and xenophobia that exists in our Masjids. This type of behavior would be unacceptable during the days of the Prophet (PBUH), and it is unacceptable today.

Before I bring this letter to a close, I will leave you with a reminder from our glorious Quran, a paragraph from the Prophets Last Sermon and related Hadiths which specifically touches on this subject:

Surat Al-Hujurat:
“O Mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is he who is the most righteous of you” (Quran 49:13).

From the Prophets Last Sermon:
“All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before ALLAH and answer your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.”

This is a very eye-opening Hadith on the evils of discrimination, prejudice and racism. The explanation below is pulled from a lecture by Shaykh Muhammad Hannini from his lecture Loss of an Ummah by the An-Nahda Institute.
It was also transmitted, in two different versions, by Ibn al-Mubarak in his two books, Al-Birr and As-Salah, that a disagreement occurred between Abu Dharr and Bilal. The context of this hadith is Abu Dharr and Bilal were having a discussion among the other companions about the war. Abu Dharr mentioned something and Bilal corrected Abu Dharr. Abu Dharr got extremely upset and said “Even YOU, son of a black woman is going to tell me that I am wrong?” After hearing this Bilal was extremely upset and said to Abu Dharr, “By Allah, I will complain to Rasulullah (PBUH) to tell him about what you said.” Bilal went to Rasulullah (PBUH) and said Rasulullah, “Did you hear what Abu Dharr said?”. The Prophet responded, “What did he say about you?”. Bilal then explained the incident between him and Abu Dharr. Rasulullah (PBUH). After hearing this, the honorable face of Rasulullah (PBUH) changed. With Abu Dharr using skin color he was threatening the bond of the brother’s and sisters.

The identity of emaan is being threatened. When you call someone the son of a black woman, this is not something light. After the news had spread about the incident, he went to the Rasulullah (PBUH) in the Masjid and said to The Messenger (PBUH) The Messenger (PBUH), “As Salaam Alaikum”. Abu Dharr later reported that he wasn’t sure if the The Messenger (PBUH) answered him back. The Messenger (PBUH) of Allah (saw) was extremely upset by Abu Dharr’s comment, so he (saw) rebuked him by saying, “That is too much, Abu Dharr. He who has a white mother has no advantage which makes him better than the son of a black mother.” In addition to this he said to Abu Dharr, “Did you tell him (Bilal) about his mother ? Did you put him down because of the color of his mother? You are a man who has jahiliyyah (kuffur) [disbelief] in him”. Abu Dharr cried. He went to Rasulullah (PBUH), “Forgive me, and ask Allah (SWT) to forgive me.” He left the Masjid weeping with tears. This rebuke had a profound effect on Abu Dharr, who then put his head on the ground (dirt) swearing that he would not raise it until Bilal had put his foot on his face. He said to Bilal, “You are the honorable person, and I am the humiliated person”. Bilal cried, and then came close to the cheek of Abu Dharr and hugged him, then said “Abu Dharr, a forehead that does sujud to Allah, does not get stepped on, but rather gets kissed”.

As quoted in Islam The Natural Way by Abdul Wahid Hamid p. 125

A man once visited the Prophet’s Masjid in Madinah. There he saw a group of people sitting and discussing their faith together. Among them were Salman (who came from Persia), Suhayb who grew up in the Eastern Roman empire and was regarded as a Greek, and Bilal who was an African. The man then said:

“If the (Madinan) tribes of Aws and Khazraj support Muhammad, they are his people (that is, Arabs like him). But what are these people doing here?”

The Prophet became very angry when this was reported to him. Straightaway, he went to the mosque and summoned people to a Salat. He then addressed them saying:

“O people, know that the Lord and Sustainer is One. Your ancestor is one, your faith is one. The Arabism of anyone of you is not from your mother or father. It is no more than a tongue (language). Whoever speaks Arabic is an Arab.”

These proofs and evidences demonstrate that tribal ties, exclusive ethnic allegiances and blind nationalism have no place in Islam. Muslims are commanded to stick together and not disassociate themselves from each other because they come from different ethnicities. I’m not naïve to believe that JUST one cultural center is the core problem, it’s the lack of good manners, etiquette, and a need to reinforce a lovingly brotherhood/sisterhood which seems to breed in certain Masjids. The cultural polarization that is created from this behavior is like acid being poured on the bonds of the believers.

With much sincerity and respect,
Malik

References

Part 2: If I Had My Own Black Leadership Forum

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 16:09:14 +0000

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Many of the ideas in this post are culturally independent (some are not) which means any individual can utilize the information written in this post. I do believe that U.S. born people of African descent who live in America have a unique history that requires a solution that is bit more narrow in scope. I say this because I was born in the U.S. with a rich Jamaican background and I succumbed to some of the same dangerous pathologies that many people have wrongly assumed are exclusive towards African-Americans who were the descendants of slaves that were brought to America. The reality is, every person in America has been impacted by the culture of others. No one culture occurs in a vacuum, there are lots of bleed-over and intermingling of social and cultural experiences.

Don’t Believe the Hype. Healing comes first.

Hopefully you had a chance to read Part 1 of this series and get an idea of why I’m creating this series. if you haven’t I would suggest you read Part 1 first. so to continue the Forum I would start of with the first segment Don’t Believe the Hype. Healing Comes First.

So what exactly does this mean? Here is a re-cap from the first post:

Without the proper spiritual and mental healing, the next 3 parts of this post won’t mean much. This is about cleaning the mind, body and soul of all the toxic psychological and lifestyle impurities that divert us from greatness. So many of us talk about being powerful and independent but forget about having the proper dignity, candor, and humanity about themselves and the world around them. I believe this will help folks remove the self-hatred, spiritually deadening and self-defeating attitude that undermines our future.

In my eyes, outside of the most obvious barriers to proper self-development (institutional racism, poverty, inequality, pollution of religion, etc), there are three areas that I see have pinned the black community against itself:

Self-hatred
Loss of cultural history
Assimilation

I wish I had time to explain every single area but this is the top three:

Self-Hatred

The weird thing about self-hatred is it can take many forms. Some forms of self-hatred are more muted, while others are move obvious, like changing your skin color or getting a nose-job that reflects the ethnicity of another race. Some forms of self-hatred can take the form of socially or culturally distancing yourself from the ethnic group that you consider is a reminder of “your perceived” inferiority. Notice how I said, “your perceived” inferiority. It’s not that the inferiority actually exists, but that is how the dominant group has made you feel. Like a young women who considers herself inferior because her natural body weight is 160 pounds and anyone below that weight makes her feel like her body is inadequate. The brand of self-hatred I’m referring to is physical self-hatred. Like repressing the hatred you have for your nose, hair texture, skin color, lip size, or even how your body is shaped. These physical forms of self-hatred transform themselves into behaviors called “racial tweaking”. Racial tweaking is not redefining the whole self. It’s just changing a part of the self. Just changing enough to get beyond their own lack of self-esteem. Not necessarily by their own doing, but they have been cultured by the dominant social cultural paradigm to feel inadequate. The mechanism for identity change can be your social environment, entertainment, and other forms of “stereotype threats“. Now self-hatred is not a zero sum game. It’s extremely difficult to address, not to mention realizing you actually suffer from any form of self-hatred. It’s not like you can go to the doisufferfromselfhatred.com and take a test to score yourself. Not easy to tackle and usually requires years upon years to identify. Many of the individuals in this segment of the forum are experts at not only identifying the roots of self-hatred, but offering a plan to remove these mentally unstable stereotype threats.

In short, self-hatred pulls the community apart. Self-hatred does not allow the community to rise to it’s highest potential. Self-hatred breeds other bi-products like mistrust, low self-esteem, and in some extreme instances the coveting of the cultural traditions outside of your own, irrespective if that outside cultural tradition is destructive to you and your surrounding community. Self-hatred raises doubts about what you are personally capable of and the people you consider similar to you in culture, behavior, and tradition. I’ve seen it too many times to dismiss it as some psychological aberration that seldom invades our social space.

Loss of Cultural History

A person who doesn’t know their history is like a fish out of water. History serves as a guide to show you how to handle the future. The beautiful thing about history is we can learn from our ancestors on what worked and what didn’t work. In many instances, we can learn from the mistakes and triumphs from past civilizations while duplicating what worked and abandon what failed. In many instances I see problems of today, that were problems centuries ago. We ignore the past while trying to plant seeds of the future that are dependent on the lessons of the past. We have to recognize that history serves as a blueprint to master self-development. Many of you have heard me say, there is history, then there is “his-story”.

For many years I was a victim of “his-story”. For many years the only thing I was taught about my history was that people of African descent were “willing” slaves and then Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, the Black Reconstruction happened, and then Civil Rights, then Black Power Movement, and then Black people assimilated into America and everything was great. I’m sure for many black students today, you can add Obama is the First Black President then “everything is great”. My first introduction to real “Black History” was in college. After getting in to the specifics of the real history of people of African descent from the Mali and Songhai Empire, to the Universities of Timbuktu, our inventions and cultural footprint, the close ties to Islam and Africa, Kemet and it’s cultural contributions to the world stage, slave rebellions, the entrepreneurial and social successes of Tulsa, the thousands of inventions that created by inventors of African descent, and the list goes on, I was transformed.

Now some might say, ‘Well many ethnicities aren’t aware of their contributions of their ancestors and where they contributed in history”. They seem to be doing fine. That’s easy to overlook when you “haven’t” been implicitly or explicitly written out of the halls of historic significance. When the presidents of the most powerful country are your ethnicity and the faces that appear on one of the most powerful currencies are your ethnicity, and that same ethnicity has reaped the monetary gains for hundreds of years, it’s easy to say, “What’s the big deal?”. This is not an attack on any ethnicity, but a reminder of how history does play a role in how you see yourself. After getting the “Real Story” of what happened over thousands of years leading up to today, I was transformed. I wasn’t the same person I was before. My outlook on what was possible had changed forever. I’m mentioning this because there was a significant change in my social identity which impacted my sense of self. I now knew my place in the world stage and no one could take that away from me again. (inshallah)

Assimilation

Some might say assimilation is all bad. Like most things in life, it depends on where you are standing in the pool. If you are in the shallow end you are okay, but if you are in the deep end (and you can’t swim) you are going under. At the root of assimilation is identity. Who am I and Who do I want to be? The part of assimilation I’m referring to is culture and tradition. What type of social cultural constructs and traditions have we inculcated in our day-to-day life? What are the long term impacts of these decisions? Are these choices to our benefit or our demise? What are the historic roots of these traditions and practices that we’ve chosen or have been subtly coerced to chose? Who are the owners of these traditions and practices and who is the supreme beneficiary if I decide to inculcate a particular behavior into my life? In addition, what are the incentives to abandon my own set of principle for something else? Because the benefits and/or consequences of assimilating is not a zero sum game, you can see that there are a variety of questions one should ask as they develop their cultural and social identity. I don’t have a smoking gun, but I would encourage everyone to incorporate a reductionist approach about where you get your cultural values and social cues from. Seek out the root and sources of your behavior and traditions. Why do you associate yourself with certain cultural ideas? How have you been socialized or in some instances conditioned to believe a particular social idea? How is your identity tied to your social and cultural environment? Once again I have more questions than answers, but this reductionist exercise will serve as path to revealing who you are and to a certain degree, why you are?

Forum Participants:

Dr. Joy Degry Leary – Author of Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America’s Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing.
Forum Topic: Self-Hatred, Assimilation, Loss of Cultural History
The first time I heard the term Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome (PTSS), was I skeptically curious. In my head I felt, “Well slavery was a long time ago, and something that happened hundreds of years ago couldn’t possibly have any significant impact on my behavior or how I see things culturally?”. Well I’m here to say, I was wrong. Props to my home girl Melissa Alvarado for blessing me with this book. Dr. Joy Degry Leary’s books and related media have had a dramatic impact on my life that I now buy this book for different friends and family, and yes, not just black people. All my friends, no matter what their ethnicity, have been introduced to this book. As I said in the past, this book could very well be called “Why Slavery in America has Subconsciously Impacted Everyone in the Country, but Because We (Everyone) Had Cognitive Dissonance About the post-impacts of Slavery, We (Everyone) Thought the Long Term Psychological Collateral Damage did NOT Exist”.

Dr. John Rich – Author of Wrong Place, Wrong Time: Trauma and Violence in the Lives of Young Black Men
Forum Topics: Self-Hatred
I read John Rich’s book a couple months back and what I found was a window into some of the psychological trauma that is endured when black men our held hostage by the violence that surrounds them. In some instances, these incidences of violence became the accepted norm. Now we’ve all heard about the bad news about violence in the black community, but is there any good news? The good news is that we can address this psychological trauma but it’s not easy. Being in an environment of violence creates a lingering feeling of Post-traumatic stress disorder. Like a soldier who has come back from war, it’s hard to turn off that heightened state of awareness and caution because this feeling of insecurity/fear/rage has been baked into the wiring of the mind. What Dr. Rich does is “levels” with us on the severity of violence and cautions us by explaining how dangerous it is to blame the victim. The community has to rally around and support our friends and families who have been victims of ultra-violence.

Sandra L. Bloom – Author of Creating Sanctuary: Toward the Evolution of Sane Societies
Forum Topics: Self-Hatred
I have not read this book yet, but Dr. John Rich was inspired by Sandra Bloom’s work which eventually led to Wrong Place, Wrong Time. What I really like about Sandra Bloom work is she’s attempting at resolving past social and psychological conflicts that destroy communities and tear way at human bonds. Nothing clearly demonstrates what she is trying to accomplish than the description from her book:

“Bloom and her colleagues have come to believe that unresolved, multi-generational, often forgotten trauma leads to a compulsion to repeat that is a powerful force in individual and social history. Because of this unresolved legacy of trauma, all of our social systems are “trauma-organized,” producing institutions which are unresponsive to and often directly counter to human needs.”

Tim Wise – Author of White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son
Forum Topics: Assimilation, Loss of Cultural History
When it comes to articulating the depth, complexity, and history of inequality it doesn’t get better than Tim Wise. Obviously Tim Wise being white and having such a honest approach towards understanding the roots of ethnic privilege in America gives us an an insider view that we seldom hear about. In short, where does ethnicity play a role in the policy choices of America? Where does ethnicity play a role in the control of scare resources on planet earth? How are we all impacted by this “chess game” of self-interest and modern day tribal lines that in some instances fall along ethnic alliances? Tim Wise’s insight is akin to a placing a high powered microscope on racial and ethnic lines that have grown out of the imbalanced and often oppressive roots of America. Our cognitive dissonance about these critical matters is a form of self-medication. If I don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist, but Tim Wise shines a big ole introspective bright light on that dissonance and breaks it down in areas where many so-called “social inequality” commentators fall short.

Dr. Claude M. Steele – Author of Whistling Vivaldi: And Other Clues to How Stereotypes Affect Us (Issues of Our Time)
Forum Topics: Assimilation, Self-Hatred
The one thing that is really amazing about life, is you reach a point where you think you have absolute insight into a particular area, then someone comes along and knocks you out with a perspective that changes your life forever. Dr. Claude M Steele did that for me. His insight into the roots of what he calls “Stereotype Threats” and how they impact our behavior is worth it’s weight in gold. If the Board of Education had any heart they would make this required reading for every single teacher. I’m actually going to suggest this book to the Board of Education. It should also be required reading for students. The biggest problem with identity dysfunction and how we’ve been culturally socialized, is the roots of our issues are repressed. We wrap these foggy layers of repression around our identity problems in hopes that we can cloak them indefinitely. Once again, more dissonance. It’s extremely dangerous and can have long term effects on how we see ourselves in this grand social experiment, called life. Dr. Steele identifies these stereotype threats with clarity while offering honest solutions. Many of the authors and doctors in this forum offer answers. We are not left holding a bag of problems without having the proper solutions to help us to remove the items in the bag and putting them in a safe place so we are not directly impacted.

Why I drink….

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 20:39:01 +0000

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Those individuals who drink alcohol should read carefully. This is really a PSA about alcohol and it’s personal impacts.

..MILK?! Oh you thought that was a white russian in that screenshot? Oh yeah I’m sure you thought something else. Yeah my non-Muslims friends and family saw the title and probably thought “What? I thought Malik didn’t drink alcohol?” and my Muslims friends probably said “Oh no, astagfurillah, Malik drinks alcohol?”. No, I don’t drink alcohol (circa 2004) and inshallah I never will. I converted to Islam in 2007. Maybe you didn’t even think of any of these things, but I’m just having a little fun here. Even my mouthwash doesn’t have alcohol in it, nor do I use vanilla extract because of the process of using alcohol to create the extract. Strictly vanilla powder my friends.

To be honest, this post is not about why I drink milk or the countless ways I avoid ingesting alcohol, but the title was used to catch your attention. However, this post is about how alcohol (even though I don’t drink it) still seems to impact my life. As many of you know, Muslims are prohibited from drinking alcohol and ingesting any other intoxicant. But lets take it a step further. Not only are Muslims prohibited from drinking alcohol, they are also prohibited from being in areas were alcohol is served, like restaurants and bars. It’s not easy when you are out and about, but I try my best. Trying to find an establishment in the U.S. that doesn’t serve alcohol is like trying to find a congressman or congresswoman in Washington that doesn’t have a lobbyist as his or her shadow. Even social events like weddings and/or gatherings at a house where alcohol is being consumed is a problem. It’s one of the reasons why I have gatherings at my house because I don’t want my family around alcohol, but here is the problem:

In today’s society, especially in the U.S and Europe, drinking alcohol is the norm. It is socially accepted drink of choice. Everywhere you go, and no matter what event (even so-called “religious” events that celebrate the birthday of prophets) people are going to drink, and more than likely get wasted. Obviously we have our religious obligations (and many of us are proud to uphold them), but no sober person wants to be in that type of environment. at least the sane sober folks. I’m going to try my best not to bash people who drink alcohol. That’s not really what this post is about. Listen, if you want to drink, have a blast. I don’t agree with it, but to each his own. My issue is the balance between my beliefs and my close family members and friends.

This issue happens often because most of my non-Muslim friends and family drink. (even some of my Muslim friends drink). Basically my non-Muslim friends and family want me to, as they like to say, “make an exception”. This usually means the following:

Because of our long lasting friendship or family connection over the last couple decades we feel that it wouldn’t be a big deal if you attended ______________ event. We love you and we want to see you. We know you and your family have this Muslim thing with the alcohol and we just don’t see how you can’t separate Church and State (in my case Mosque and State) then come on by. You don’t have to drink, but we are going to drink.

I’m sure you can see the conundrum. For the sake of argument, lets say that in some weird universe somewhere in the Quran, it gave the pass for Muslims to attend events were there was alcohol, but as long as you didn’t drink alcohol, everything is okay. The part that people don’t understand is it’s not just alcohol itself, but how alcohol impacts the person consuming alcohol and the people around the alcohol. Let’s say I wanted to attend a social event with a group of friends. Half of the people have poor spending habits and the other half have great spending habits. While I’m at the event, do I really care what the net worth is of any of the individuals at the event? No, because the context of the event and the people attending have no direct connection. But let’s change the context and instead of just a random gathering of folks socializing, it was an event about starting your own business and everyone at the event had to put their money together. Same people from the first event, but we now have a set of issues. The fact that second event is tied to money and savings, puts the folks with poor spending habits against the folks with good spending habits.

Lets jump back to the topic of alcohol. A group of Muslims being in the context of another group of people drinking alcohol is straining the belief of the Muslim. This is not a light matter. If it was, I wouldn’t be spending more than 500 words talking about this stuff. The believing Muslim does not want a strained relationship with Allah, but at the same time wants his closest friends and family to understand the importance of adhering to his or her faith. For believing Muslims, there is no dualistic behavior based on external circumstances. I know most people practice their faith like this, using a set of subjective criteria and put bits of pieces of their faith into practice under a secular framework. I’m sorry but Muslims don’t roll like that.

So what about the “Can you make an exception?” line I always get. No. I love you friends and family, but NO. A better question is “Can you make an exception?”. The part that is bewildering to me, is most people drink all year round. Whether it’s at birthday parties, weddings, going to clubs, restaurants, sporting events, after work drink at home, go out with co-workers drink, even religious events. So being that you drink 99% of the time, why not make an exception for those who don’t want to be around alcohol? Your choice to drink is not tied to anything other than “Hey I want to drink with a group of friends and family”. I’m not trying to rock the boat, but I don’t see how taking a break from alcohol every now and then is going to be some type of net loss in fun points. The “social pressure” to commit to the group (alcohol consumers), being creatures of habit and simple choice to drink is a bigger incentive, than to NOT drink because of one individual. Among drinkers who attend social events, not having alcohol served is akin to removing the ball from football, basketball or baseball game. This is the new social norm. I get that. I’m not naive. I just wonder if there can be balance. I know if I said to any one individual, “Hey I’ll give you $50K if you invite me to all your events and social gathering for 1 year while not having alcohol at any of those social gatherings.” Only a fool would deny such an offer. In short, the world is awash in incentives. The downside risk (backlash from friends and family) from not serving alcohol would be obliterated because the financial reward eclipses the backlash. If we take this fictitious scenario a bit further, a simple explanation to the group “Hey I’m doing this for 50K”, would probably prevent any further complaints and social backlash. In the end, the mob rules.

Some people don’t realize how serious Muslims take their faith. This new age of “religious secularism”, has made Muslims out to be the conservative party crashers. To be honest, I like that. I could care less that people think I’m a weirdo for not getting drunk. Or think I’m too strict because I don’t allow my family to be socially invaded by people with liquor on their breath and drunk behavior at certain social events. Or think I’m a weirdo for saving thousands of dollars for not having to buy into the idea that purchasing alcohol to drink is the norm. Some call it personal choice. The timing of this post is right on the money. Millions of people will be getting blasted over the Holidays. I know what it’s like. I used to do it. I would ask people to keep an open mind and heart. There are those around you who subscribe to a different set of norms. There is no sweat off your back if you don’t drink a couple times a year, but it’s a whole set of circumstances for me and many Muslims who don’t want to be around alcohol in big social gatherings (if we can help it). Not because we wan’t to be difficult, but we love the principles of our faith and we want to act upon those same principles. (Feesabilillah)

I’ll close with this,

Alcohol can’t hug you,
Alcohol can’t smile at you,
Alcohol can’t have a conversation with you
(although you might have a conversation by yourself after drinking too much)
Alcohol can’t love you,
Alcohol can’t respect you,
Alcohol can’t be there for you when you need the most help,
only loving human beings can.

Respectfully yours,
Malik

Black Nannies, Brown Nannies: All Types of Color Nannies!

Sarah Oxford — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 04:38:14 +0000

“I hope they’re paying you a little more than minimum wage to watch that baby!” She exclaimed in a thick Irish accent as I was getting ready to load Saud and myself into a cab. I turned around to see who she was speaking to. To my utter surprise it was me. “You poor thing” she continued to mumble, in reference to my broken toe I assumed? I politely smiled and responded with a simple “he is MY son.” She quickly apologized and added a “God bless you dear.” Then went on to run America’s name in the mud with a “in Europe they always offer to help.” In which I politely responded once again, “my cab driver is being very helpful.” I looked over at my cab driver who was Afghanistani and smiled.

As I sat quietly in the cab my mind was slowly beginning to fill up with random thoughts: “in Europe they do not offer to help any more or any less than they do here” “I have met as many helpful New Yorkers as unhelpful New Yorkers in my past 4 years in America.” But more than anything I was scratching my head trying to understand “why did this woman think I had to be a nanny?” But then there is the answer so evident in the very question I pondered: the color of my skin causes me to be associated with a “less fortunate individual only capable of a handful of jobs.”

It is quite interesting and scary all in one to think that she was actually trying to be supportive of me not realizing how insulting she actually was on many levels:

If I were a nanny, why feel so obliged to rub in my face your disgust and pity.
Why do you assume that I am a nanny rather than a mother?
Why stereotype me based on the color of my skin?

Then slowly it all started to make sense to me. The stares and glares at first myself and then Saud as we walked down certain streets and avenues in New York. I now realized that all this time those awkward looks were actually inquisitive eyes and minds. Curiousness of “whose baby is she caring for?”

I am forever flabbergasted at the senseless hierarchy of racial distinction (association) that seems to hover over our heads like a peaceful cloud before a deadly storm. I am also slowly starting to understand the social dysfunctions that contribute to such occurrences. I am reading a book called Whistling Vivaldi by Claude M. Steele. This book is an excellent resource into gaining a deep understanding of social identity here in America. No one race should read this book; it speaks of the importance of understanding identity threat to our own personal progress. This book dissects factors related to (indirectly and directly) societal progress, bettering group relations, equal opportunity and achieving an identity-integrated civil life.

Identity and stereotype threats are very dangerous. Many people often remark, “just get over the stereotype and move on.” It is not that simple. Many Whites worldwide have a preconceived notion about the progress and social existence of people of color. I have personally experienced this in Europe, America and even in the Middle East among Caucasians. The only way we can begin to eliminate such notions is to reduce the distance between us socially. This needs to start at home. There needs to be a focus on reducing these “threats” in schools, workplaces, gyms, neighborhoods and so on. We have to focus on making the identity less “inconvenient” as we come together, equally across identity lines. We cannot allow for our children to grow up in such a segregated world.

Relationship Trouble? Might be Narcissism

Malik Abdul Rasheed — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 11:36:55 +0000

Recently, I’ve been reading The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement by Jean M. Twenge Ph.D. and W. Keith CampBell Ph.D. It’s one of the 12+ plus books that will contribute to my 4 part series on the Science of Relationship which I’ll be finishing later on this year (inshallah). The book is not perfect, but it makes some good points. A bit too much “soap boxing”, but the good intentions and clear warnings are there. However, I want to take a short pit stop and quote a couple of very insightful paragraphs from this book that highlight—what I think is very eye-opening information on what many of relationships are suffering from. When I read these paragraphs it reminded me of some of the issues I encountered in my bad relationships in the past. Some of you might read this and say. “Oh snap, that’s me”. Nevertheless, check it out:

Narcissists and materialism….

Materialism is also a real stumbling block in narcissists’ relationships. Narcissists’ partners, for example, often say that the narcissists’ interest in material goods interferes with the relationship. She’s more interested in stainless-steel appliances, fancy handbags, and Manolo Blahnik shoes than our relationship, guy will say. (Simply insert “a huge flat-screen TV, Rolex watches, expensive suits” to switch the sexes.) The partners have a point: If you can get social status from either an expensive watch or trophy partner, what does that say? Narcissists also sort their friends according to material standards.

Narcissist approach to relationships….

In place of love for another person, put love for the self, in place of caring, put exploitation; and to commitment, add “as long as it benefits me.” Narcissists’ approach to relationship is simple: it’s all about them. They want to look and feel good and if the relationship is a way to do this, great, if not, it’s time to find another one. People often use the term “feeding the ego” to describe narcissists’ approach to relationships. If the relationship proves to be sufficient food, it works, and if not, it doesn’t.

Narcissist triggers of aggression…

These three triggers of aggression—ego threat, rejection, and saying no—make a relationship with a narcissist feel like tiptoeing though a minefield. The excitement at the beginning is not worth the stress, anxiety and sometimes fear that comes later.

Narcissism relationship virus spreads…

Unfortunately, with relationships—especially romantic relationships, but also in friendships and even in picking CEOs—people have a major problem with selection. We really want two things from relationships: the sizzle the fun, exciting, confident, charismatic outgoing and “magic” part, and the substance, the commitment, caring, and teamwork part. Narcissists’ secret to success in relationships is that they deliver the sizzle up front, but then fail to deliver the substance. Instead, you end up with a bevy of relationship problems like those described above.

Why Narcissist threaten relationships….

Narcissists may seem like a tasty treat when you first meet them, but they are not. Narcissism is absolutely corrosive to social relationships. People who have been deeply involved with narcissists can tell you this. These relationships destroy trust in others. You learn not to trust anyone after being mistreated by someone so charming and likable. You also lose trust in yourself. If you couldn’t see this coming, what does that tell you about your judgement? And then to dip the wound in salt, relationships with narcissists are remembered and ruminated about for a long time. People ponder what went wrong; the ruminate about the warning signs they should have seen; and they waste a lot of time trying to figure out what made the narcissist into a narcissist.

The great thing about this book is it gives you the tools to spot a narcissists a mile away. Yet another tool to add to your social toolkit.

Related Sources

No Returns on Downgrades by George Reid from The Nobel Realm
Get the Book! The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement by
Jean M. Twenge Ph.D.
Why are our Relationships So Disastrous? by Malik Abdul Rasheed