I’ve been Muslim since April 2007, and I get a lot of questions about what it’s like to be a Muslim. Some of the questions are thoughtful, while others are more accusatory and xenophobic. However, with the all the media bias and misinformation taking precedence over the haqq (truth), I wanted to put this short list together for others to dig deep on what comes very natural to many Muslims around the world. I have also provided links that point to evidences on each ruling. For any learned Muslim brother or sister that can provide better links as evidences, please comment or send me a message via Facebook.

1. Men and women have to purify after going to the bathroom
Have you ever seen someone walking toward the rest room with a empty water bottle and said to yourself, “Eww, that person is going to drink water in that bathroom?”. Chances are they probably weren’t refilling to get a drink and more than likely are going to “wash up” after they go to the bathroom. Why? As Muslims, we are required to be pure and clean for prayer. Keep in mind we pray five times a day. You are praying in front of Allah, so isn’t it only right that every part of your mind, body, and soul be purified? I probably don’t have to get into the details of how this is done, but with a bit of imagination I’m sure you can figure out how water is used to purify oneself after going to the bathroom.
Evidence: Taharah (Purification)

2. We believe in Jesus..yes and Moses too.
Contrary to popular belief, Muslims believe in Isa (Jesus). As a matter of fact you cannot be a true believing Muslim if you don’t believe in Jesus as a prophet of Allah (SWT). He is one of the most well respected prophets and is mentioned many times in the Quran. As Muslims, we believe he is a prophet, just like Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was responsible for delivering the word of God via the Quran, Isa delivered the word of God via the Injeel. (the original Bible)
Evidence: Muslims Hate Jesus (a misconception)

3. Eroticism is allowed, but only with your wife or husband
That’s right, there isn’t any boyfriend or girlfriend stuff in Islam. Many people gasp when they find out this fact. However, there is strong scientific evidence that suggests (meaning no silver bullet) that having “serial” sexual relationships before building a loving bond with your significant other can emotionally compromise the future of your relationship. For about a year, I’ve been working on a 4 part “Science of Relationships” post that will give some food for thought.
Evidence: Marriage and the importance of marriage in Islam

4. There is no Islamic ruling that allows you to beat the living sunshine out of your wife
Contrary to “ignorant” belief, you cannot beat your wife or any other women you know. The first thing that usually comes out of someone’s mouth is “What about Surah 4.34? It says you can beat your wife?”. No, you must have beat your head against a wall too many times. Unfortunately, you misinterpreted the verse.
Evidence: On Beating One’s Wife

5. Men and women must lower their gaze.
As a Muslim (especially men) you are not allowed to look another women up and down unless she is your wife. Same goes for women. You can look at your husband, but not other men. In the summer time, it’s not easy because many women and men are half-naked anyway, but you do your best. I actually started wearing shades because women (even though they see I’m married) try to make eye-contact with me to flirt. I’m not talking about an innocent gaze where you are looking at your surroundings. I’m talking about a “Yo, that girl got a fatty (nice body)” (while you elbow the dude next to you). It’s disrespectful and haram (prohibited).
Evidence: Hadith of the Guarantee by Abdur Rahman

6. Most forms of Music is prohibited
This is a highly contentious topic, even among Muslims. This topic is too deep for me to elaborate in several sentences but for the sake of time, I’ll provide several links that will give you food for thought. As a person who adored hip hop like a first son, this is not an easy task for me. Over the years it’s become easier for me to let go, and I can spend time on more important matters.
Evidence: Is Music Haram (prohibited) by Dr Zakir Naik, Music in Islam prt1 by Yusef Estes, Music in Islam by Yusef Estes prt2. Here is a post I did on music called the True Cost of Music by Malik

7. Most Muslims are NOT of Arab descent
The bulk of the Muslims (roughly 52%) are actually in the South, South East, North, Central Asia part of the world. Comprising around 50% of the entire Muslim population. Indonesia, which has the larget location of Muslims in any one area has a whooping 200 million Muslims! A close second and third, is Pakistan (167 million Muslims) and India (156 million). About 17% of all Muslims are of Arab descent.

34% of Muslims in America are of African Descent (African American and African)
Although the total number of Muslims in America has varied from year to year, but many staticians put the number somewhere between 5 to 7 million Muslims total where 30% are African American and around 4% are native Africans.
Evidence: List of countries by Muslim population

8. We are not interested in interest.
For Muslims, participating in making money off of money is completely prohibited. It’s actually a grave sin. For sake of this brief post, I’m not going to get into all the details but adding on money on top of already existing loan is akin to theivery in Islam. Profit is okay, but not from interest (Ribaa). In most forms of business, all transactions have to have a shared profit. Why? The risk is balanced on each person who is taking part in a business transaction. Handling business in this manner protects both business partners.
Evidence: Part I and Part II of The Case Against Interest By Abu Ubaydah Andrew Booso. If you have extra time you can read my scathing article against interest called Casino Capitalism. | VIDEO: Interest and Islamic Banking by Bilal Philips

9. Are most African Americans Muslims members of the NOI? (Nation of Islam)
I actually get this question a lot. Are you from the Nation of Islam? The best way I can frame this would be this. Is every green plant with a stem a piece of basil? If you can’t answer this question, then I will answer it for you: No. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t African Americans who are still members of the NOI. The majority of African Americans Muslims are not affiiated with NOI.
Evidence: Wiki: Nation of Islam

10. Jihad and Allah u Akbar does not mean I want to KILL you
Uh oh, did someone say the word “Jihad” and “Allah u Akbar”? Unfortunately the media has miscontrued the true meaning of the word “Jihad” and “Allah U Akbar” and most people have associated it with some type of code word for Islamic terrorism. Jihad is the Arabic word for struggle. A good Muslim friend of mine has the name Jihad. For Muslims, Jihad is to struggle to do the just and righteous things for the sake of Allah. This dedication to do what is required of you as a Muslim is our Jihad. Allah u Akbar means God is Great. Not “Let’s kill people” or “lets blow ourselves up”. During any 1 of our 5 daily prayes, “Allah U Akbar” is mentioned at least a dozen times. It’s very common word in Islam and merely reinforcing the greatness and beauty of Allah.
Evidence: VIDEO: Islam and Terrorism | What is Jihad? by Brian Handwerk

11. We get up before the roosters.
As I said earlier Muslims pray 5 times a day. One of the prayers is known as the morning prayer, Fajr. Fajr is supposed to be prayed before the light of sunrise hits the sky. I’ll be honest, it’s not the easiest prayer to catch, but when you do, the feeling is amazing. My day actually starts off better when ever I make Fajr on time. I’m actually utilizing this Ramadan to be better at catching Fajr on time, Inshallah (God willing)
Evidence: VIDEO: Importance of Fajr Prayer. This video is pretty long, but here is a shorter description that explains the Fajr prayer.

12. My ribs are touching
Yes if you ask any Muslim, their ribs will definitely be touching as Ramadan has just begun. Once a year, Muslims fast for one month. Known as Ramadan, we fast from sunrise to sunset. We are allowed a meal (suhoor) before the morning prayer (Fajr), then we break our fast with a meal (fatoor) at sunset at the beginning of the evening prayer (Maghrib). During this month, Muslims reflect on the greatness of Allah, ways that we can improve ourselves within the guidelines of Islam, and do our best to carry out good deeds that will postively benefit society. It’s also a time to reflect on the poor and sometimes forgotten souls of society. (which we should do all the time) Keep in mind that there are hundreds of millions of people around the world who are not as fortunate as ourselves (those of us who have the comforts of food, clothing, and shelter) and it is our duty as Muslims to help those who need assistance and guidance. At least 80% of the world live on less than $10 dollars a day. In addition most Muslim use this opportunity to fulfill one of the obligatory pillars of Islam, Zakat. Every Muslim (who has the means) is obligated to give at least 2.5% of their wealth (minus your debts) to the poor every year.
Evidence: What Are You Required To Do During Ramadan?

Photo is by “Heart Throb Tawd”

What Not to Write: More on Bad Veil Headlines
http://muslimahmediawatch.org/2010/07/what-not-to-write-more-on-bad-veil-headlines/

The above article from Muslimah Mediawatch is by far one of the most accurate descriptions of the often misunderstood purpose of the hijab (known to many as “the veil”). Never have I seen such a piece of fabric become such a point of political bias, ideological conjecture and pontification.


Conclusion:
Mind your damn business—women who choose to wear the hijab are not oppressed and juxtaposing independence with the “oppresive” veil (as if they are complete opposites) is by far one of the biggest narrative fallacies out there.

In the wake of the new maniac and psychopath of the month (i.e Joseph Stack who did a homicide-suicide plane crash into I.R.S. building in a failed attempt to kill hundreds to Faisal Shahzad failed Times Square bombing that could of maimed/killed hundreds, maybe even thousands) who in some twisted sense of righteousness believe that killing innocent civilians equates to some deed of salvation or proper retribution for past misgivings. These characters are some of the more obvious examples.

terrorism, act of terrorism, terrorist act (the calculated use of violence (or the threat of violence) against civilians in order to attain goals that are political or religious or ideological in nature; this is done through intimidation or coercion or instilling fear)

Here is my open letter to “The Terrorists”, current and aspiring psychopaths and cowards who might not have thought they “fit the profile”.

Dear Terrorists,(but not limited to)

The “loose cannon” who claim they are Muslim and follow the Quran and Hadiths in Islam who like to blow themselves up (and others) thinking (Allahhualim) that they are going to see Jenna (Heaven). You better go back to the deen of Al-Islam (if you haven’t already blown yourself up) and re-study because your eyes, ears and hearts are sealed with wickedness and the shaytan.
That’s violent terrorism.

Police officers and those in authority in the justice system who beat down and kill civilians mercilessly because you think they are expendable. You have the disease of cognitive dissonance towards those that you’ve concluded have an “otherness” about them which does not fit into your own cultural matrix.
That’s enforcement terrorism. (not to mention xenophobic and prejudice)

The executives and investment houses/banks/firms sitting in their ivory tower embezzling tens of millions and creating questionable investment instruments (money schemes) while undermining the integrity of the financial system. Impoverishing tens of millions for your own selfish benefit.
That’s financial terrorism.

For the murderers and killers who worship gang violence while killing people in your own community including innocent women and children because you want a quick drug profit.
That’s social and urban terrorism.

Those in the halls of Congress (politicians and law makers at the state and federal level) that play up people’s worst fears to usurp power and mislead your constituents with a divide and conquer strategy. Laying in bed with lobbyists and playing both sides of the political coin for your own one dimensional power grab.
That’s political and institutional terrorism.

For the country that goes into other countries claiming (lying) that another country has WMDs (Weapons of Mass Destruction) because so-called intelligent organizations with fancy acronyms “certified the facts” with a faulty threat matrix then mercliessly kills over 150,000 plus innocent civilians (45 9/11s) for almost 10 years while injuring millions then arrogantly occupies the same country creating more violence and misery for the citizens. Or any country that uses occupation as a foundation for foreign policy.
That’s sovereign terrorism.

For the governments and related banks that are in cahoots with one another who indulge in “too big to fail” bailouts and print money like it grows on trees while causing inflation and devaluing the dollar. Not to mention the draconian practice of fractional reserve banking and usury which buries people under so much interest that they are financially impotent.
That’s economic terrorism.

For the racist bigot (and many don’t even know they are and will read this and say, “Oh that’s definitely not me”….well not so fast, it might be you) individual that foolishly claims to believe in God but sympathies with their ethnic, racial, or tribal identity over the inclusive and humanitarian guidelines of all monotheistic ways of life. Now called religion. 
You are a community terrorist. (Not to mention a hypocrite)

For the so-called news organizations that are muliti-milllon dollar partisan hack misinformation “non-thinking” tanks that spew misleading, demeaning, information and purposely confuse the public with empty politically inspired anecdotes and regurgitate sound bites from their corporate/ political slave masters.
That’s information terrorism.

If there was anyone who thought any one group of people have cornered the market on “terrorism”, you have not done your homework.

“He who kills a person without (the latter) having killed another person, it is as if he has killed all of humanity, and he who makes one person survive, it is as if he has caused all humanity to survive” – (32,5) – Quran

A friend of mine asked me about this and I’m sure there are others. I just want to be clear. Although I agree that this South Park episode is disrespective to the faith of Islam and Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), people in America are given the right to say whatever they want. If we were in an Islamic country, they could say it but there would be consequences. And when I say consequences I’m not talking about death.

The “they should be killed” reaction from a handful of Muslim extremist do not speak for the billions of Muslims and should be viewed with caution. What I do find interesting is these same Muslims are quiet when Isa (Jesus) is ridiculed, and probably more ridiculed via entertainment than any prophet. We have just as much love for Prophet Isa so where is the love there? I find this selective rage…well..lets just say interesting. The fact that a handful of Muslims believe they have the right to selectively murder individuals on site is disturbing.

It would be nice for the MSM (Main Stream Media) to be balanced in their reporting on Muslim matters of various opinions. When Muslims are volunteering and doing good deeds, it’s seldom reported. I could care less what some writer wants to write and so do a lot of my brothers and sisters in Islam. I work with with 3 Muslims at work, a Muslim at the security desk of my building, and been attending prayer congregations at the Masjid since this has gone down, and no one has said a thing. No outrage. No one calling for the death of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. This issue is like a pin in the universe when it comes to matters in the Islamic community.

And when you see the word “Fatwa“, it’s just an opinion, albeit a significant opinion. There is nothing deadly about the word. It just a religious opinion concerning Islamic law. A fatwa is not a small matter and requires a thorough and satisfactory review from respected religious scholars from the Ulema (Muslim scholars trained in Islam and Islamic law). At this present moment I have not heard approval of the fatwa issued by the Revolution Muslims. Also keep in mind that not anyone can issue a fatwa which has global implications.

So in the future when you see this flair up from a micro-set of a particular community, you can refer to this post. Of course you’ll have some people who are more vocal and a bit more animated about this issue, but lets be objective folks. I want to be clear. I do believe that the issue is disrespectful, but I don’t agree with the response from this small group of Muslims. A better approach is to issue a respectful open letter to Trey Parker and Matt Stone explaining why this act is disrespectful. Not that things would change anyway (Allahualim), but the pen is mightier than the sword.

The ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of the martyr.” Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: In no way shape or form is this post aligning itself with any particular economic school, political party or ideology like the Austrian School of Economics, Keynesian(s), Saltwater/Freshwater Economist, Democrat, Libertarian, Republican, Left, Right, Socialist etc. The purpose of this post is a conversational starter about the questionable merits of interest. Although this topic is highly controversial and the world at large has accepted interest as the norm, it’s worth having a debate on the distortions that interest brings into the economy.

Shout out to Br. Halit for giving me the title for this post, originally titled The Case for NO Interest. I am no Islamic scholar or fancy economist. I’m a student of Islam and life. Although I don’t have the vast econ-textbook knowledge like many official economist, by the good graces of Allah, I do have common sense and a pragmatic mind. With all the thousands of economist around the world, only a few of them had the insight to foresee the recent 2008 financial crisis, not to mention past crises. Doesn’t mean that we don’t need economists, but I see a lot rear-view/hindsight economists out there. I wrote this post due to my interest, no pun intended, in understanding the Islamic law regarding the prohibition of Riba (interest). Many of the themes of this post are related to Islam. If you have a problem with that and topics that have to do with Allah (God) make you too uncomfortable, then you should go here:

Table of Contents

1. Allah’s (God) ruling on Interest
2. I’m NOT Interested
3. Economic Sophistry
4. A Fair Alternative to Interest
5. Conclusion

Allah’s (God) ruling on Interest

The purpose of this post is a conversational starter on the questionable merits of interest. In addition I’m doing a bit of education here for non-Muslims because they ask me question after question after I tell them that interest is prohibited in Islam. I will address some of their questions in this post. Regardless of your way of life, clearly there is room for discussion on abolishing interest based transactions. From an Islamic perspective, Riba (Interest) is prohibited. Taking interest or charging interest is prohibited. A transaction can be prohibited by adding money on top of money (giving or taking) or by overpricing assets that are sold to the public. In Islam, every financial action should be just. You can profit, but not at the gross expense of others. The whole point of Islamic finance is to create a proper balance between the basic needs of society and the profitability of those business transactions that impact that society. In today’s world of secular based ideology, a person in power can justify any act through legal sophistry, even if the act undermines the person and the surrounding community. In Islam, you don’t “Rob Peter to Pay Paul“, then wrap an act or law in some fancy legalese, while ignoring the financial imbalances and “moral hazard” that is inserted into the economic system.

In my view, this is the root of the problem. As long as their are lawyers, financiers, investors, and government regulators that can justify questionable financial acts with legal and economic sophistry, we could have continued systemic problems. It’s not just Islam that prohibits usury (interest), but every monotheistic religion has prohibited usury. Over time, with re-writing and revisions of theological law, the use of usury has been used as an acceptable mechanism for profit. Allah knows best, but I do believe that interest is 1 head of a 5 headed demon of what is wrong with the economy. In addition to interest, clearly we are suffering from a ethical problem, financial illiteracy problem, debt burden problem, regulatory reform problem and definitely a hubris problem.

I’m NOT interested

When I get into discussions on economics and Islam, while making it clear that Islam does NOT allow interest based transactions, many people ask “Well how do you make any money in Islam?”. That would be like me saying “Hey I don’t drink alcohol”. Then they ask me, “Well how do you quench your thirst”?

I find it strange that the same people who say “Hey, let the free and fair market take it’s due course”, are the same people that aren’t as excited to deal with the burden of all that “free market” activity when the economy collapses. I like to call these people “Fair Weather Market/Economy Capitalists”. All the interest in the world couldn’t even save two major investment firms in 2008, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers. What about AIG? Those are just the more recent victims and had other firms not been bailed out, many more would have gone under. Remember Long Term Capital Management in the 1990s? I thought interest was supposed to account for risk over time? Uh, what happened?

What is so interesting is if you talk to the so-called “interest specialists” about interest they will give you some economic sophistry on how interest is needed for true capitalism or interest is not responsible for our economic missteps. Being that interest is so tightly coupled to our economy how could anyone believe that interest isn’t part of the problem when many of the 140 financial crises we’ve had since 1978 had to do with debt or interest rates. Many times they will quote me some “classical theory of interest-esque or time preference theory” response or something similar to the Wiki definition below:

Definition

Compound interest is very similar to simple interest; however, with time, the difference becomes considerably larger. This difference is because unpaid interest is added to the balance due. Put another way, the borrower is charged interest on previous interest.

Did you folks just get what I just typed? Lets also keep in mind that these are “THEORIES“, not laws. Charging interest on previous interest. And this is what we call an equitable transaction? Says who? The gatekeepers of the economy? Or I should earn a return on money that I have not earned? I guess the supermarket should charge me double the “regular” price of milk because they built the supermarket, bought the trucks to deliver the milk, hired people to put the milk on the shelves, etc.

The typical response:

You see that’s how it works. It’s absurd to think that someone shouldn’t pay for money over time. Look, the consensus is clear, we smart people say so, and we have the theories (not laws) and dusty economic books to prove that interest is needed for capital markets, so get over it. Don’t let me quote Jeremy Bentham.

Absurd huh? I guess as long as we are using text book definitions, here is the text book definition of alcohol (Ethanol):

Any of a series of hydroxyl compounds, the simplest of which are derived from saturated hydrocarbons, have the general formula CnH2n+1OH, and include ethanol and methanol.

“Of course, there is nothing in that definition that seems harmful, right?” Just a bunch of hydroxyls and hydrocarbon atoms doing the bounding “two step”.

Lets just ignore the amount of murders, car accidents,alcoholism, addiction, rapes, drug abuse, broken families, bankruptcies, domestic violence, financial cost to the health care system, human cost to livelihood, brain damage, etc that this psychoactive drug contributes to and all is well. Nothing but a lipstick on a pig. As long as we dress it up with sophisticated language and words that only phds and so called “economists” can understand, we should be happy to deal with interest in the economy.

Economic Sophistry

What is even more perplexing, is you’ll have pro-interest individuals stating, “Hey, without interest we wouldn’t have the proper growth in the global economy” Really? Do these individuals realize how many times governments and monarchies around the world since the French Revolution have literally printed themselves out of an economic crisis (yes printing money out of thin air) while debasing the currency and sending inflation through the roof? [See A Free Nation Deep in Debt by James McDonald] Is this what free and fair market is? Whenever I get into deep trouble just print more money to fix the problem and still call the system a free and fair market? Fractional Reserve banking? We arbitrarily choose who the winners and losers (bailouts) are in the economy and then call it a “free and fair” market? Is this not hubris?

I’m curious what the economies around the world would look like if money wasn’t printed out of thin air to “fix” the economy? Oh, no problem, well just have deficits that we will never ever pay back. Can you imagine an American citizen telling the IRS, “Oh hey don’t worry about my debt, that is just a deficit and I’ll just carry it over for the remainder of my life while printing up money from my house to pay for new bills. See, I fixed the problem”. And this is what they call a “free and fair” market? With that being said I am not for the printing of money because this is just another form of interest, not to mention it is a economically flawed approach to monetary policy. With all the interest that is being charged, none of it was enough to account for risk over time. The current crisis is yet another indicator that the same Wall Street titans that profit off of interest based financial instruments are nothing but “welfare” corporations who got done in by the same interest they charged. In fancy econ-world talk they call this “over-leveraged”. This is just another word for “Hey I can’t pay this loan back with interest”. Every major bank/investment firm was almost insolvent, if not insolvent in 2008. You name it, Citibank, Lehman, UBS etc, and some banks like Washington Mutual have been banished to bankruptcy land, never to be seen again.

As Nassim Taleb states in Black Swan regarding the Savings and Loan Crisis:

The same happened in 1983 with money center banks losing cumulatively every penny ever made, and in 1991-1992 when the Savings and Loans industry became history.

Take a look at the “free and fair” market looks like with bailout after bailout since the 1970s:
http://www.propublica.org/special/government-bailouts

So what happened banks and investment firms? Wasn’t interest and your high returning investments supposed to dig you out of the hole when financial disruptions strike? Apparently not. So if interest is not even a mechanism that can properly account for risk over time, then why are we doing it in the first place? Don’t be fooled by the fancy language, “Re-capitalize” is just another fancy word for “Corporate Wic Check”. Instead of food, the tax payers are buying toxic assets. I would use the term “buying” lightly. “Off-Balance Sheet” has now become another word for “hiding risky assets that I know would completely deteriorate my companies net worth and possibly make my company insolvent”.

Fictitious Banker Convo:

Banker: Uh Mr. Oxford I noticed that you had 40K in credit card debt. I think this is going to be a problem with getting you that loan.
Me: Oh no problem, you see you actually weren’t supposed to see that. I have this thing called “off balanced sheet” which hides that 40K debt so my balance sheet looks better than it is.
Banker: Hmm, okay that makes sense, why would I want to get an accurate representation of the risk. That just preposterous. Ha ha ha (laughs nervously)
Me: Exactly, I kind of felt the same way, so can I get a “do over”?
Banker: Sure. You are approved.

The stalwart supporters of this farce economy are like the following story:
Let’s say a bunch of engineers (Bankers and Investment Firms) create a recycling water cleansing system (RWCS). They say that as long as you have 800,000 liters of water (cash) in the system, the system can maintain itself. Whatever run off (bad investments) and natural evaporation (risk) that happens will be replenished by natural rain fall (interest and fractional reserve banking) and the efficiency of the system extracting more water out of the system (profitable investments). Then over time, instead of 800,000 plus liters of water in the system, the amount decreases by 50,000 liters every 3 months. By year 3 the water system is struggling with only 200,000 liters. Even with natural rain fall subsidizing the system, they still can’t cut it. Now instead of admitting that the recycling water cleansing system is not working, the engineers siphon water from the Atlantic Ocean (Bailouts and printed money) into the RWCS to artificially bring back the system up to 800,000 liters of water while patting themselves on the back and stating “Hey look, our system works. All we need is the occasional water subsidy and we are in business”.

What a sad state of affairs. Are we so blind?

A Fair Alternative to Interest

Some might read this and think I’m some wacko dogmatic socialist. As if creating a profit mechanism that is an alternative to interest based profit makes you a socialist. Ha! I’m no “Capitalist” which means my motivation in life is not just profit. When I do business, I’m for making a profit but not at the expense of what Allah has intelligently decreed for society at large. In addition, equality and being just is more important than mere profit, and it’s not like that ideology has served ALL of society well, considering the current circumstances. A title I’ll steal from John Kim which is a Capital Anarchy. This is what we are dealing with in the 21st century. Many people outside of Islam might believe that people who believe in following the guidelines of Quran and the Shariah of Allah (SWT) are bunch of mindless drones that don’t actually reflect and ponder on those same rulings with proper intellect. This is far from the truth. When I found out that usury (interest) was prohibited in Islam, I spent a substantial amount of time researching the law and the mathematics behind the prohibition. Not to mention, that are many Islamic scholars who can elaborate even beyond my amateur approach to explains Riba and it’s consequences to the global economy. If you are interested in thinking outside of the box, hit me up on Facebook and I’ll give you the sources. There are some sources below too.

As I said earlier, there are lawful ways to profit that don’t involve interest. I’ll use the example of buying a house, which is a business transaction that most people can relate to. I touched on the Islamic Financing option in my the First Part of Economics Made Simple Renting vs Buying a Home.

As you can see the transaction is a equitable one that balances the risk. Each party owns their fair share of the investment, which brings me to my next point of Profit-Sharing also know as Mudarabah. You can read about more Islamic Financing options from here. There over 8 different options and all of these options cover various financing needs, whether a line of credit is needed, financing of large purchase items like a house, etc.

I don’t see how one of the main approaches from various venture capital firms is something that cannot be utilized in more areas of finance. If profit sharing was so inefficient why do multi-million dollar VC companies exist? Why don’t they charge interest on the money they lent you? It’s simple, what ever you put in is what ever you get out of the investment. If you own 25% of the investment you get 25% of the ROI (Return on Investment). If you own 66.6823% of the investment you get 66.6823% of the ROI. What is also very beneficial with this model is it allows people with smaller amounts of liquidity to get in on the ground floor of a particular investment. Very similar to how a fractional shares work.

Check this out:
Just imagine that a supermarket wanted to move into your neighborhood. Instead of going to a bank with interest, the locals of the community can become investors too. So the total start-up cost for the supermarket, let’s call it GroceryMart, Inc need 20 million dollars. The company has the first 10 million. So they go to an Islamic bank for the 7 million and that Bank now own 35% and the rest of the 3 million is financed by the local community giving them 15% of the business. If anyone wants to offload their shares, you find another buyer or negotiate with GroceryMart.

As income streams into the business, money is equally distributed based on the percentage of ownership or other contractually negotiated payment schedule. In the contract it is stipulated that at any point in time GroceryMart can put in a bid to buy out shares of the other share holders. No different than when a company on the stock market buys back shares. Now what is great about this scenario is the risk is evenly distributed. If the business does well, we all do well and if the business does bad we all do bad. Although I mentioned the stock market example, none of these shares can be traded or bid up in price. The only way the values of the shares go up, is if the company brings in more income.

There are couple things that are accomplished with this one tactic of Islamic Finance:

1. Risk is evenly distributed based on how much you put into the business
2. There is no compounding interest that is exponentially accruing on one side of the business transaction.
3. This will actually allow people who don’t have a lot of disposable income to become investors. No different than buying fractional shares. This will greatly contribute in upping the financial literacy of the community and create a starting point for non-wealthy individuals to invest in simple straight forward businesses.
4. No more winner take all.
5. No distortion of assets from speculation and interest. Because there is no interest we don’t have wild swings in asset valuations running away from the actual value of the asset. (Very similar to what happened to the housing market in 2008)

Now some may argue that this methodology is crude or inflexible and might not maximize the highest potential for profitability. I would ask, in comparison to what? To the current so-called “free and fair” market that gets the luxury of being bailed out with printed money out of thin air whenever an economic financial crisis happens? Since the 1900s we have never had a market that did NOT have the luxury of being bailed out. In just about every instance there was never enough interest earned to properly cover the inherent risk over time. So not only do the banks and investment houses get the luxury of charging interest which is supposed to account for risk over time, but when their risked based models fail miserably the tax-payers have to bail them out. If this is a “free and fair” market, then maybe we should go back to sharecropping because this is no different.

Conclusion

I would like to reiterate that this post is a conversational starter. I would like for pro-interest individuals to watch the movie Life and Debt, or read the history of how IMF and World Bank policies have “benefited” the countries that they have done business with, or read about PayDay loans, or the 1978 Marquette Decision, or The History of the Credit Card by Frontline or any financial crisis that has happened since the 1900s. In every circumstance interest was involved which distorted the true value of assets in the market or the interest rate that banks were charging were incorrectly pegged against the assets that they were holding. In many instances, the wealth was completely wiped out be taking on loans with interest. Also keep in mind if we had let the “free and fair market’ play out, there would be way more companies going under. What we are seeing today is a fraction of bank failures due to this fiat currency/interest/fractional reserve based system artificially propping up the system.

Some might argue about savings and not getting interest. In today’s fiat based economy a dollar today is not a dollar tomorrow. The amazing part is no one every asks the big word..Why? Well, if I’m a government and I keep printing money out of thin air and dumping it all over the economy, that’s is going to lead to inflation and that milk, beans, bread or whatever is going to keep going up in price. Reserve banking (not fractional reserve banking) and stopping the demonic practice of printing money out of thin air would dramatically help in keeping prices tame. There is no reason why prices shouldn’t go down if there is not enough savings and resources in the global economy to buy everything. It’s almost impossible to know what the true price is of anything because of all this tinkering with the money supply.

In addition to this, how on earth can we trust a practice that financially punishes the most vulnerable people on the planet with higher rates of interest? Is that just? To add insult to injury now these “Credit Card Banksters” want to charge annual fees on credit cards users who don’t use their card as revolvers. What type of nonsense is this? Should we just continue this practice because the so-called financial specialist in their ivory towers say so? I would also ask those same individuals that claim to adhere to any one of the monotheistic religions to re-read their religious doctrine and put the use of usury under a microscope.

Here are some links to get you started

Bible: Kings James Bible on Usury
Torah: Judaic Ruling on Usury
Quran: Quranic Ruling on Interest

Profit sharing is class independent. It’s fair, transparent and easy to implement. With true profit-sharing, there is no distortion of the money supply (whether through interest or printing money out of thin air). For the most part, every dollar can be accounted for.

Even Warrent Buffet had to admit the following:

But Mr Buffett argues that such highly complex financial instruments are time bombs and “financial weapons of mass destruction” that could harm not only their buyers and sellers, but the whole economic system.

He gave this warning in 2003.

How much financial carnage do we have to see to understand that interest distorts markets? Are we not tired of being thrown around like a rag doll in the economy by the so-called “financial czars” and “phd interest specialists” who act like they are the gate keepers of this economy? Do you actually feel like this market is fair or you actually feel that you have economic freedom in such a distorted market?

God willing, the root to proper economic prosperity is transparency, financial equality (ethical capitalism), efficient production, fair competition which is underscored by socially responsible driven economy. These 5 principles should underscore our financial decisions and destroy the 5 demons of the economy I mentioned earlier. Not speculation, wild gyration in interest rates, and corrupt laws that protect corporate malfeasance.

If you are going to live and die by the gun of “Russian Roulette” interest, I find it quite hypocritical for the same individuals to expect the bailout ambulances to come running to their rescue.

I refuse to sit as a back seat driver and go for the ride with “financial legalese that justifies interest, which no one can understand” driving and “economic sophistry” riding shot-gun. It’s time to pull over and get out the late model White Ivory Tower EX Edition sedan.

• Why Greece Matters
  http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/02/podcast_yes_greece_could_defau.html
• Warning Against Riba Transactions
  http://abdurrahman.org/economics/ribaIbnBaz.doc
• Foreclosures Are More Profitable Than Loan Modifications, According To New Report
  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/21/perverse-incentives-lead_n_328378.html
• How massive student loan debts are sinking American dreams and causing a national economic headache.
  http://www.pbs.org/now/shows/525/index.html
• Nassim Taleb
  http://rs.resalliance.org/2008/09/17/financial-resilience-taleb-and-mandelbrot-reflect-on-crisis/

I have been pondering over the last several weeks on what my next blog post should be. I actually have a really juicy post coming up on my 6-month fact finding mission on what the Austrian School of Economics is and how it shaped my views on what the economic business cycle should be (or could be). It’s my John Maynard Keynes vs Austrian Business School post. But before I do that post, I wanted to get into several myths that people seem to believe are true, but don’t actually have any empirical knowledge to support their theories. As if thoughts about falsified ideas don’t have a negative meta-physical impact on the brain. As if the truthfulness of an idea does not matter. Yes, people holding on to ideas that are wrapped in falsehood have a negative impact on your mind, not to mention your life. Yes, people who don’t seek the empirical truth behind things and are too inebriated by apathy tend to be less happy.

If you lined up all the myths, there are enough myths out there to wrap around the world 50 times. No matter how much evidence you reveal, some people stubbornly hold on to these ideologies. Lets, just get into the list, this should be fun.

1. The Illuminati, Trial Lateral Commission, Council of Foreign Affairs, The Jason Society, Bilderbergs, Rothschild’s, 33rd Degree Masons, 13 families control the world NWO conspiracies
Let me be honest, I sometimes have a soft spot for conspiracies. I actually own some of these books. By far, Behold the Pale Horse is probably one of the most read conspiracy books out there. Considering the author is now dead (not by natural causes) makes believing in conspiracies even more enticing. Most times these conspiracies are so dubious and deliciously tyrannical that being the only one who has insider information about this secret tyranny makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. The problem with conspiracies is that they are hard to prove, not to mention cannot be stopped. Guess what? If you know of a so-called conspiracy, it’s not a conspiracy anymore so stop wasting your time. In most cases you are seen as a “ham-fisted clown” [see Alan Moore] anyway and will further ostracize yourself by running up on your friends and family every minute with your, “I know something you don’t know” conspiracies. Living your life in the shadows of a conspiracy distorts your reality, makes you paranoid and often leads to poor decision-making. Please find a new hobby.

2. What he/she doesn’t know, won’t hurt him/her.
I have one question: How long do you think your lie is going to last? I’m not talking about coming home late and your significant other asking you why you came home late and you said, “Oh, I had some extra work at the office”, to cover up the two dozen roses that you had to pick up from this special flower shop to surprise your wife as a gesture of appreciation to her. I’m talking about the infidelity, affairs, relationship dishonesty and cheating that has now become the norm in so many relationships.

Let me be clear on this issue, before you get into a relationship or marriage, know what you are getting into. Personally, I think too many people discount this life changing event. As if they are just going by the Lindt Lindor Chocolate store, pick a flavor, then move on to the next chocolate. How would you like it if someone deceived you like that? It’s not a matter of if they will find out, it’s when. Save yourself the embarrassment of ending up on the show Cheaters, get out of the relationship and move on. Breaking up marriages, deceiving your significant other is…wel….pure cowardice.

3. Understanding Economics and Personal Finance is too difficult
It really pains me when people say this. Whether you are buying a $3 tube of toothpaste or a 300K house, you need to have a certain level of financial literacy to get through the day-to-day grinds of life. Understanding your liabilities and your assets, while living within your means is not optional, it is actually a requirement. I will dig a bit deeper on this topic in my next blog post on economics, but one of the main reasons why we experienced the economic collapse of 2008 is companies, governments, and citizens do not understand the dynamics of leverage (debt), risk aversion (investments), accountability (research) and liquidity (cash). As made very clear in this Wall Street Journal article New Evidence on the Foreclosure Crisis, even so-called “Prime” borrowers were the main culprits behind the Foreclosure crisis, NOT subprime borrowers. We just don’t seem to understand that all four variables impact the type of decisions we make on a day-to-day basis. Or it could just be that we are aware of these things, but we just don’t give a damn. Just Google, “Financial Literacy” and start with this link http://www.360financialliteracy.org/. Here’s yet another great article describing the importance of living within your means: http://money.cnn.com/2009/02/19/pf/expert/below_means.moneymag/index.htm See how simple that was.

4. If you believe or don’t believe in God, you’re an idiot
Regardless of what side of the religious or non-religious fence you’re on, demonizing someone because of their belief system is not doing you or the person you are vilifying any good. I mean, what are you actually getting out of verbally smashing others who have a different belief than you? Just let the right guidance fall on those who have an open mind and K.I.M (Keep it Moving).

5. My race, tribe, nationality or ethnicity is more superior to yours
Oh boy, if there is one thing that really kills me, is people who walk around as ____________ (plug in race of choice here) supremacists. They come in all walks of life, touting the accomplishments of their so-called uber intelligent group. Of course, we all have accomplishments within each respective corner of the globe, but to believe that one race, tribe, nationality, or ethnicity has cornered the market on intelligence is just…well..unintelligent. Over the centuries, every culture has borrowed (in some instances stolen and then said they are the creators) the creativity of others. Some see an original concept of one culture, and then enhance the foundation of that invention into something more productive. So why is behaving in racially loony and supremacist fashion so dangerous?

Well for starters, you ostracized yourself into a corner by limiting your interactions to just your “trusted” group of people. Not to mention the lost amount of collaboration time, friendships, and relationships you could have built with others, but you were too close minded to offer the olive branch. If you consider yourself religious, you are even a bigger hypocrite. Get over yourself. For those who are religious, Re-read your Quran, Bible, Torah, etc. (correctly). For those non-religious foks just google Secular Humanism. I don’t believe in the SH movement’s philosophy of rejecting the supernatural and the spiritual as the basis for reason, ethics, and justice, but upholding these three principles is the exact opposite of being a cultural supremacist. Always gauge someone by the content of their character, you’ll get further in life.

6. I’m proud of being known as a female dog (yes the B-word)
You all know what I’m talking about. Those women who walk around who actually revel in being known as the b-word. They’ll actually say to their friends, “I’m a b______”. Alright then, lets look at some of the definitions of the b-word:

1. A female canine animal, especially a dog.
2. Offensive.
   1. A woman considered to be spiteful or overbearing.
   2. A lewd woman.
   3. A man considered to be weak or contemptible.
3. Slang. A complaint.
4. Slang. Something very unpleasant or difficult.

How far in life do you think you are going to get by being associated with any of these things? Case closed.

7. Gender stereotypes: Nice guys finish last, all men are dogs, women are gold diggers
I would like to actually complete the first sentence. Nice guys finish last in the “I want to be in a relationship with a maniac women who will lead me to a divorce, take all my money, demonize me, and destroy me” race of life. That’s actually a race worth being last in. Nice guys are actually Beyond Stage One Thinkers See Thomas Sowell Applied Economics: Beyond Stage One. I don’t have anything against bad boys. To be honest, I was a closet bad boy in the past. Today I’m a nice guy from the inside to the outside. I have shed my closet, so-called bad boy antics. Don’t be fooled women, nice guys are cool. Yes, he might be a little geeky and nerdy [See Obama: Full-on-geek or just "nerd-adjacent'] around the edges, but you can share a roof over your head, money in the bank, loving person, unselfish and this person will be faithful to you. Do you really want to be in a marriage with the “other side”? You’ll just be a doormat. Don’t be a fool.

Now lets address the second part. “All men are dogs”. Incorrect, maybe it’s the type of men you attract? Maybe it’s how you carry yourself? Maybe it’s your behavior? I used to think that it was true what women said men being dogs until I started analyzing woman’s behavior. Trust me, they were dogs from the start, but you just didn’t do the science on the natural ebb and flow of how genders are supposed to interact with each other.

Third part. Are women all gold diggers? Of course they are…every last one of them…okay, Nah, siked your mind. I know there were some e-fumes for a hot minute. LOL. Personally I can speak to this issue, because I was a enabler. It’s not that women are gold diggers, we men are dumb enough to use our material power (or what appears to be material power) as an extension of defining ourselves. It takes two to tango. No women can just jump into your checking account and start spending your money, and if that is happening to you right now, you are a fool. She is just exploiting your ignorance and naivety. Just like men exploit woman’s naivety regarding “men being dogs”. Clearly money has become the central focus for most relationships. It’s disastrous way of thinking. See my blog post Why are our relationships so disastrous?

8. I don’t have to read books
This myth is up there with “I think the moon is made out of cheese”. To be honest, I think most people read books, but it’s the type of books that people read which is more important. Personally I’m a big fan of non-fiction. Most of the books on my shelf are non-fiction. If I’m reading any fiction (As I’m presently reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand), these are books that are close to real world-life experiences. It’s never a bad idea to drop in a “clear the smog” book in your reading rotation. In my view, “clear the smog” books are those books that can give you cleaner perspective on an already existing idea or concept. My favorite is Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Some other books that fall into this are the following:

• American Creation by Joseph J. Ellis
• Millionaire Mind by Thomas J Stanley
• Naked Economics: Undressing the Dismal Science by Charles Wheelan
• J Curve by Ian Bremmer
• Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman
• The African Origin of Civilization: Myth or Reality by Cheikh Anta Diop and Mercer Cook
• Ishmael: An Adventure in the Mind and Spirit by Daniel Quinn
• Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond
• America’s Great Depression by Murray N. Rothbard
• Buckminster Fuller’s Universe: His Life and Work by Llyod Sieden

Thanks for listening. Feel free to post a comment with your favorite myths.

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog post for a while now. I often break one of the biggest cardinal rules of blogging which is 1. To make your posts frequent. I’ve broke that rule some time ago, but I’m going to make the effort to not only make these posts more frequent, but more diverse. (inshallah)

So about 3 months ago I listened to a lecture by the late Dr. Amos Wilson on understanding the roots of power in culture. By far Dr. Wilson was one of the premier experts on human consciousness and many other pan-African related areas of interest. One very eye-opening area of interest was his explanation of how there are “vehicles” that are used in society to augment and distort your sense of values, consciousness, and level of cultural morality.

Now when he says “vehicles” he is not referring to Maybachs, Hondas, or even an investment vehicle, he is actually referring to mass media vehicles like television, music, print media and societal indoctrination vehicles by cultures outside of your own. One of the reasons I found this topic so interesting is I often find people discounting how the power of imagery and words can control minds and human behavior. A post I did a while back called “True Cost of Music”, touches on this topic quite a bit. This past Friday at Jumu’ah, (an obligatory congregational prayer/lecture that Muslims attend for Duhr [noon prayer] ), the Khateeb (speaker) said, “There are three areas that you need to watch out for when it comes to proper worship”:

1. Nafs (ego/self)
2. Satan
3. The people you keep as friends

For the sake of this post, I want to stay focused on the 1st bullet in regards to culture. There are 7 heads of evil when we talk about Nafs, and they are the following:

1. False Pride
2. Greed
3. Envy
4. Lust
5. Back Biting (Gossiping)
6. Stinginess
7. Malice

The main head I want to talk about is False Pride. If you listened to the entire segment by Dr. Amos Wilson, the root of what he is trying to explain is this: Ideas of self, role of self, and identity of self can be augmented through vehicles under the consciousness of your mind. Not only can your identity be manipulated to your own demise, but you can be used as a conduit to empower the standards of others. Meaning: Just because you think something is not happening from a physical standpoint, while you are unable to identify the point of manipulation does not mean you are not being manipulated. Central to the term, Quiet Weapons for Silent Wars. This is one of the main reasons why I stopped actively listening to music and have severely pulled back on what I watch. My wife and I restrict our viewing to mostly documentaries and other “Front-line C-SPANian friendly” material. Like Pinocchio being a puppet, human beings can be a puppet by identifying with an “Artificial Identity”, hence False Pride.

This is not a light matter, a recent study by Standford and Princeton university came to the conclusion that men objectify women by observing semi-nude images. How is it that a culture of objectifying women has now become normalized?

The research, conducted by a team including Princeton psychologist Susan Fiske, who first presented the findings in mid-February at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, found that pictures of bikini-clad women activated brain regions associated with objects or tools.

Keep in mind that these are “semi-nude” images (e.g bikini) and not full blown nudity. I’m curious what that study would have revealed with full blown nudity. These results by Dr. Susan Fiske have been posted on hundreds of blogs, and the responses are quite dismissive. Not surprising, considering the average person is unwilling to have an honest level of self-critical analysis regarding their personal sensibilities. I have to be honest, I walk by those newsstands on the NYC train platform and the advertising windows are riddled with imagery after imagery of “soft-pornesque” women draped across various covers for profit. I can guarantee that they’ll be a bunch a men hanging around like a bunch of deviant vultures drooling over the next breast or booty sex pose.

Not to say I didn’t dabble in such material in the past, but I’m not going to deceive myself and act like these images did not augment my view of women in a negative light. In the words of Thomas Sowell, This is Stage One Thinking. To think that society is not paying a price for the often hyper-sexualized identity of women is quite shocking. Obviously I am not the gate keeper of women’s identity or sexuality. That is not my role, although many might accuse me of such acts because they misinterpret my language. I just think we have mountains of evidences from many areas of thought (scientific and religious) to realize that a behavioral change is due on the type of images we bring into our minds, and our household, irrespective of gender. To discount the negative impact is being dishonest. There is a severe level of cognitive dissonance when a man says he respects a women, but then indulges in imagery that is the exact opposite of what his belief claims to be.

The study above is just one example, but “False Pride” can fall into many other categories like child rearing, personal finance, culture, morality and various other behavioral sciences. In many instances, certain types of behavior not only disempower you, but destroy the glue that keeps your community and your relationships healthy. Sometimes we want to see an immediate result, like turning a light switch on and off. Self deception is a characteristic that can happen over several years, not to mention your entire life. Like a stream of water that smoothes the surface of a jagged rock over hundreds, if not thousands of years. These changes are gradual and cannot be captured in a moment. It’s not until you pull back, will you then be able to see the bigger picture.

• Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman
• Al-Ghazali on Disciplining the Soul and on Breaking the Two Desires: Books XXII and XXIII of the Revival of the Religious Sciences by T. J. Winter
• Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
• The Secret Sales Pitch: An Overview of Subliminal Advertising by August Bullock
• Applied Economics: Beyond Stage One Thinking by Thomas Sowell
• Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

Welcome to Part III of What’s Eating Malik. You can view Part I and Part II. If you are reading this you are probably asking, “Who are you to give a blog on relationships?” To be honest, I asked myself the same thing, but why not? The things you hear in this post, you will not hear anywhere else. This is the only post that’s apart of the What’s Eating Malik series that won’t cite supporting quotes from books, articles, notes, etc. on the behavioral/character dysfunctions that I talk about. Why? Because there is no book that will provide the silver bullet on a happy relationship. I will cite historical facts, but that’s it. It’s a case by case basis and this post is about my own personal experiences in relationships. Currently I am happily married and have been married for a little bit over a year. I’ve known my wife since 2003. Of course she wasn’t my wife then and was just a friend who I talked to from time to time.

1. I’m really tired of seeing so many people in unhappy relationships and not changing their behavior, then wondering why their relationships are still sour.
2. I have given a lot of advice on relationships in the past (including today) and wanted to summarize all my relationship research, personal experiences and the experiences of others.
3. You might not agree with everything I have to say, but you will re-think a lot of what you thought was the “norms” of your relationship. I was “Jonesed” for a while in my past relationships, but then had the sense to change my behavior which I think was one of the reasons why I was able to find my wife. Of course, all praises to Allah for his guidance.

Okay, so let’s just get right into it. Keep in mind that this post is for people who are looking to get married and who are already married. When I say relationship, that’s what I’m referring to. I’m going to cover a couple of different topics that are related to behavior, character and following questionable traditions. These are the three areas of a relationship that usually undermine most relationships. If you cannot correct these three areas, then the whole entire relationship falls apart. These behaviors cover men and women. They are NOT gender specific.

Let’s cover the first part:
I. Having an arrogant character

By far one of the most destructive traits that any human being can have, but is often fused into the relationship when it comes to getting married and during marriage. I’m going to spend a lot of time in this section, because there are so many acts that are related to this. This character trait usually results in the person setting unrealistic expectations coupled with a bullet-proof superiority complex. You could give this person a galaxy, and they would ask for the universe, give this person a universe and then they’ll ask you if you can provide them with their own version of the Big Bang. It never ends, and trust me, it never ends. Just like the universe, their level of self entitlement keeps growing. Just when you thought you’ve provided complete happiness, they’ll bump it up a notch. It’s a losing battle and best to move on if you find yourself in any of these situations.

Now in the past I’ve met a lot of arrogant women, but they actually don’t think they are arrogant. And I know a lot of women who have told me their escapades with arrogant men. Here are some of the levels of arrogance.

1. Beauty/handsome arroganceThis type of arrogance is really hard to correct, because society has built up this person’s ego to the point where they feel they have the right to be unreasonable because they are deemed more attractive than the average person. It’s awful because society, peers, acquaintances, strangers, and even co-workers play right into their game. They know they can get away with being unreasonable because of their beauty/handsomeness, so they use it as tool for power and control. Now keep in mind that there are different types of beauty/handsome arrogance. Some are body-type and/or face arrogance. There is also intra-racial beauty arrogance. Sometimes a person within a particular race has a unique trait. Because of this unique trait, they sometimes are loved or resented. Skin color, eye color, hair texture, and body-type all fall into the category of beauty/handsome arrogance.
   In some instances, lighter skinned vs dark skinned, wide nose vs thinner nose, woolly textured hair vs straight hair, wide hips vs small hips, heavy set vs slim. In the end, its ridiculous set of superficial circumstances to gauge the character of a person.

   I want to take a moment to really zero in the last set of sentences that I just wrote because I see it as a problem for many. By far the top characteristics that get a lot of attention is skin color and hair texture. I’m not going to specifically call out any culture or race, but whoever you are and wherever you may be in the world, listen up:

   STOP USING HOW LIGHT OR DARK SKINNED SOMEONE’S SKIN COLOR APPEARS AND WHETHER THEIR HAIR IS STRAIGHT OR NOT WHILE USING IT AS SOME TYPE OF EXCLUSIVE SUPERIOR BEAUTY CRITERIA

   Now why do I say this? Because to this day, people in the United States of America and around the world continue to gauge a lighter skinned person more beautiful than a darker skinned person. I want to list specific countries, but I don’t want to offend anyone. Put it this way, if you live or are from any country that resides in any of the 7 continents, then it’s happening in your country or your culture. To be honest, it infuriates me so much that people use terms like “fair” skin, not seeing the repressed self hate behind what they are saying. This link explains it perfectly:

   Fair Skin = Desirable
   http://innerreflectionstranscribed.wordpress.com…

   You know who you are. The bottom line: STOP IT. Stop denying that you are doing it and you should say something whenever associates, especially close friends or family uses skin color without considering the content of someone’s character first. You are just perpetuating self hate and ostracizing the darker skinned people in your race and other races. They are just as beautiful and marriageable as anyone else. Don’t let skin color and hair texture come between you marrying a great person. Now keep in mind that this I don’t have some vendetta against lighter skinned individuals. I would be a hypocrite if I felt that way. My issue is the exclusivity that is sometimes given to lighter-skinned individuals that is allowed to flourish with the different races around the world. I met my wife online, and I didn’t even know what she looked liked until 6 months later.

   Some people might be reading this, and thinking it’s absurd or don’t really understand what I’m talking about. If you feel confused or astonished, then send me an email and I’ll explain the history of self-hate, how it started, and how it’s connected to race. I’m not going to put my email on here because I will get spammed so just go to facebook and search for Malik Abdul Rasheed. Send me your phone number or I can send mine and we should be able to cover this in three 1 hour sessions. If you don’t have a Facebook account, not a problem. I’m sure you have a friend that has a Facebook account and then they can send me an email on behalf of you. I’m very friendly and cuddly. I’m not going to berate you or get mad at you for not knowing or being aware of this. Truthfully I just want people to be informed.

   Also in this category is, “I was considered ugly/poor and/or nerd by my peers when I was younger and now I’m considered beautiful/handsome/rich/successful” arrogance. You have to be very careful with the people who fall into this category. Let’s be honest, teenagers can be mean and brutally honest. During our adolescent years we don’t know how we are going to develop and look. Sometimes we blossom late and like the ugly duckling we turn into a swan after. The problem with people who fall into category is, they cannot get over the people who doubted them, made fun of them, or neglected them in the past. Now they have to prove something and proving something means they will be a tyrant to their spouse and the world around them. They can’t come to the simple conclusion that some people are flawed and superficial and no matter how much respect you show them, they’ll stomp on your heart and make your life miserable. For these people, it’s payback forever and until the world bows to their feet, they will never get over it.

2. I have an advanced degree arroganceBy far, one of the most bizarre forms of arrogance, but the root of this arrogance is this person believes that that their degree makes them smarter than you or gives them a higher status in society. Even if you have the same level of education, for some reason they believe that their degree is better than yours. If you have a lower degree than them, get ready for demeaning, condescending, and passive aggressive remarks that all relate to how unintelligent they think you are. In today’s society, people put too much emphasis on degrees. I have met people with degrees higher and lower than mine and it doesn’t matter. It’s all in the mind. If you have an advanced degree, that’s great. Just be happy that you got an education and be humble about it. No one cares that you went to this or that school. Whether you have a higher education or not, if you have bad character, you could seriously put in jeopardy the human balance in your relationship.
3. I had a hard life but I made it arroganceNow if you grew up with hard life and had a whole bunch of awful things happen to you, shouldn’t you be happy that you survived the turmoil? For some reason, these individuals have to toot their own horn 24/7 about how they got out of this or that situation. Now if you didn’t have it as hard, get ready for deep repressed rage and jealousy because you might have had it easier. Now you must pay for their pain. When I say “pay”, I’m not necessarily talking about money. You’ll have to pay in meeting their unrealistic expectations and you will never hear the end of it. This also falls into the category of “victimization arrogance”

   On the opposite side is “I had a hard life and life is still tough for me arrogance”. I actually don’t have an answer for this situation other than I hope that life gets easier for this person and he or she can find it in their heart to use their hardships as a lesson to turn their life around. There are no easy answers. When life tests us, we will either fold or persevere. I have the most sympathy for people in this situation, but being arrogant is not the answer. At the same time, I have been graced with so many blessings (which I’m so grateful of), so what do I know. Patiently persevere, remain on the straight path, be hopeful, and keep striving.

4. Fashion arroganceI’m not exactly sure why, but for some odd reason, people actually believe that dressing in expensive or trendy clothing is actually an asset. Keep in mind that clothing is a depreciating asset, so I’m not exactly sure why anyone would expend thousands and thousands on clothing that goes down in value. As if I should respect you more because you have the latest fashions off the rack. I have encountered numerous people who have somehow brainwashed themselves into believing that dressing like Hollywood actors/actresses, entertainers, following the trends of models means that I’m owed more respect. Let’s be clear, stained pieces of leather and cotton with pagan symbols on it does not mean anything. Many people have bought into the so-called “status” that comes with being perceived as someone who dresses in the latest fashions. Now I’m not saying that dressing in the latest fashions is a problem, NO of course not. It’s the attitude that comes with the clothing that you need to drop. Fashion arrogance’s closest cousin is “I have money or I look like I have wealth” arrogance which I explain below. If you have good fashion sense, great, but this exclusivity you think comes with your clothing is imagined.
5. My race, nationality or tribe is superior arroganceSome people obsess over nationality and the history of their ancestors or tribe at a dysfunctional pace. It’s nice to reflect on the achievements and greatness of your past, but keep it in the past. In many instances there are actions that our ancestors did, that have transformed the life that we live today which makes us feel proud, knowing we are tied to that greatness. Be very careful, because there is thin line between inner pride and prideful arrogance. When I say prideful arrogance, there is this tendency for people to believe that there race, nationality, or tribe is better than another race, nationality or tribe. Basically they act out this inner pride in select circumstances and situations. This “acting out” can happen anywhere, the way they practice religion, how they treat members in the family, friends, work associates and obviously their marriage
6. I had bad relationships in the past therefore I’m going to compare you to my past relationships arroganceThis is really simple. If you are going to live in the past, then your current relationships will share the same level of insecurity and failure that you had in the past. Both men and women are guilty of this. I just don’t understand why a person would compare apples to oranges. If you have someone that has a different character and behavior, why hold him or her to a standard that existed for someone else?
7. I have a prestigious job arroganceAlthough somewhat related to “I have money” arrogance, it’s a little bit different. This type of person lives for the status and wealth that their job provides. All they talk about is their job and how much money they make. They enjoy the exclusive lunches with executives and the movers/shakers in their respective industry. It will take them less than 1/100th of a millisecond to start blabbing how they had to fly to this and that country for a business trip. They won’t say it, but anyone who has a lower pay than them is seen as a serf. Their nose is so high in the air that airplanes will clip their noses as they come in for a landing.
8. I’m friends and/or associated with people who are wealth/famous arroganceAnother word for this is “coat-tail” arrogance. For some strange reason these people feel they are important because they might know someone famous or hangout with other people who are wealthy or famous. Now keep in mind that these “coat-tailers” don’t necessarily have to have any wealth or fame, but they live vicariously through their wealthy/ famous friends/acquaintances. Now if you don’t live up to the standard of their acquaintances, you get the passive aggressive, “Uh why can’t you be like _____________” or “You should do stuff more like ____________”. This type of arrogance usually morphs itself into “I don’t have money but I’m going to look like I do” arrogance.
9. I can change him or her arroganceBy far, one of the most stubborn forms of arrogance. The root cause of this arrogance usually stems from “I think I’m smarter than you or I have a better way that you can be” arrogance. Basically who you are and how you behave is seen as something that needs refining. Now it doesn’t necessarily matter whether their constructive criticism is valid or not. As long as they think you should change, then you should change. Once again, be very weary of people like this. Let’s be clear, you can’t change the behavioral foundation of a person, unless they want to change. If you don’t like the general behavior of a person, then why are you with them? Once you make the choice to marry someone, it’s only right that you respect them. Who made you judge and jury anyway?
10. I think I’m smarter than you arroganceAlthough this is somewhat related to the “I have an advanced degree” arrogance, I decided to separate this out, because this type of arrogance is based on a set of criteria that has absolutely nothing to do with reason and more to do with personal opinion. Irrespective of facts, this person feels that they are smarter than you and will demean you at home, in public, in front of family just to show how smart he or she thinks they are. In many instances this person is devoid of logic and reason. As long as he or she feels they are right, then they are right. If you tell them that 1 + 1 = 2, they’ll say, No, 1 + 1 = 4, because if you count the 2 lines that make up the plus sign (+), then that equals 4. Regardless of the topic, whether it’s politics, social issues, family matters, child rearing, etc they always think they are right. You’d be better off trying to figure out how a black hole is created, than trying to figure out why they think so illogically.
11. I have money or I look like I have wealth arroganceI saved this one for last, because material arrogance supersedes all other forms of arrogance. When a person takes on this type of arrogance get ready for plantation treatment. He or she is nobility and you are the serf. Because this person appears to be financially empowered he or she will remind you constantly on how poor you are. Things like, “Hey why don’t we do _____________ or why can’t we do _____________ or why can’t we buy _____________”. Now either you will be forced to stretch what little money you have to meet their unrealistic life style demands or go into bankruptcy. Now clearly this person has more money than you, so obviously he or she would pay a larger portion of the bills than you. Nevertheless you are caught in this rich vs poor passive aggressive behavior in your relationship. This arrogance is the epitome of “Jonesing”. It’s all about their lifestyle, material assets, and how good both of you look together. You’ll have a never ending list of material goals that you’ll have to eclipse every year. Credit cards will be maxed out, living check to check, no cash in the bank with a net worth in the negative. This person is a cash destroyer and doesn’t believe in saving for a rainy day or being modest. For them saving for a rainy day is buying a $300 dollar umbrella. This is also related to “Material things makes me think I’m better than you” arrogance. Typically they lust after the so-called “finer” things in life like exclusive neighborhood, expensive watches, digital devices, exotic getaways on some far off island. If they don’t own or can do any of these things, inside their minds they are constantly lusting after these things. Also keep in mind that people who fall into this category are not always cash rich or are actually wealthy. In many instances, they actually look like they have a lot of money, but a lot of their purchases are bought on debt and they are cash poor.

Below is an animated chart that shows the relationship between arrogance and unrealistic expectations:

II. Why am I participating in these traditions?

If you thought the above was controversial, then you haven’t seen anything yet. By far, this section is the more debatable part of this post. Some will accuse me of gender bias, but for those who know me personally, know that I’m the last person to fall into this category. My wife Sarah will provide her opinion on the topic in this section so we can get a woman’s point of view. I’m probably the only man on the planet, other than Tom Leykis that is diametrically opposed to the following traditions, but here goes:

1. Valentine’s DayBy far the most hated, dreaded and feared day for hundreds of millions of young adult men around the world. I’ll never forget the first time I was indoctrinated with this pagan tradition. It usually starts out around kindergarten during an innocent class project where you create little valentines cards then give them to your classmates. For some daring students, they might give each other plastic flowers. Maybe we were even tasked to create a little Valentine’s Day card for our mother and father. We bring these little crayola stained pieces of construction paper home for our parents and there are instant smiles from ear to ear. Awww..how cute.

   As the grades go by, and we enter into adulthood, somehow the stakes start getting a lot higher. The construction paper made card has now transformed to $5 dollar hallmark cards. The plastic flowers have now transformed to $100-$200 dollar roses. The McDonalds meal for 2 has now transformed to expensive dinners, and so on and so forth. Expensive gift exchanges for the so-called “sake of love”. The amazing part about this whole entire charade is not once, and I do mean this literally, once did any person ever ask me, “Do you want to express yourself to me in this way”? One of the biggest issues with Valentines Day is it’s a corporate tradition. A mindless tradition that has been imposed on men, with no consideration of our feelings or how we’d like to express ourselves. Just do what you are told and keep you mouth shut. No human being wants to be told how to do something and when they should do it, and if they don’t do it, they are seen as loveless and inconsiderate. What happened to the other 364 days of the year? Let me be clear, although most men don’t have the nerve to actually tell the truth about how they feel about Valentine’s Day, I’ll be the first to put out the truth. Most men hate this day. They do it with much contempt and actually resent you for imposing such a ridiculous pagan holiday on them. They do it, because they don’t want to hear you complain. Not all women do this, but I have talked to enough of my married friends, to know that they would rather jump into a pit of sharks than go through another mindless and imposed routine of Valentine’s Day.

   How do you think a man feels when he has to bow down to a tradition because society says so? For the record I love my wife and don’t need the help of some foolish pagan tradition that was spawned from some Christian martyr name Valentine of Tern that was killed by Catholics in the 200th century. I find it ironic that the fans of Valentine’s Day talk about how important it is to feel special. Hmm…let’s look at the definition again, shall we?

   Special: Surpassing what is common or usual; exceptional: a special occasion; a special treat.

   It’s interesting that a person would feel special on a day that billions of people mindlessly do the same thing. Same ole overpriced flowers, over-crowded restaurants, stale chocolate, etc. “Joe” and “Jane” public expecting gifts and other forms of lavish treatment because of the killing of the now so-called St Valentine. I treat my wife like a queen everyday, and I don’t have to prove my love on Valentine’s Day. As if our whole entire relationship is riding on the perfection of this one day. I’m not saying that there aren’t some merits to spending quality time with your significant other and making them feel special, but how Valentine’s Day became the de-facto standard day of love is just ridiculous. Most men resent being financial fleeced for the so-called sake of love, and if they go against this day, they are treated like hot steaming pile of smelly garbage. No venom could be hotter than the criticism you’ll get if you don’t participate in the Valentine’s Day routine.

   When you really love someone one, you come to an intelligent consensus on the minor and the major things in life, not to mention you are mindful of their true feelings. When Sarah and I feel like treating each other to something, it’s dynamic. There is no concrete prescription to our love. It flows like water and effortlessly moves about however it’s sees fit. Every molecule moving to the next moment in a shapeless, but controlled fashion. On Valentine’s Day, I look at the glib and distant faces of the men, and I have to laugh. Why? Because I was there and remember the deep seated resentment I had for being told like dog, how I should express the love I had in my heart. As if, Valentine’s Day is the only moment where I have to prove myself to my significant other. I’m sure there are some women who feel the way a lot of guys do on V-Day, but they are few and far between.

2. Anniversaries and other mindless events that fall into the “lets be special today” tradition.I’m not going to spend too much time on this section because some of these things are not that big of a deal. Our (Sarah and I) 1 year anniversary just passed, our marriage date was September 8th, 2007. Want to know what my wife and I did for our 1 year anniversary? Absolutely nothing. And when I say nothing, I do mean nothing. I came home from work and I gave my wife a hug and a kiss. That was it. We reflected on what has happened over the first year and that was it. No jewelry, gift exchanges, no fancy dinners, no hallmark cards, no roses, no special dinners at home. Zero. Not to say that we won’t do any of these things in the future, but we are not going to relegate 365 days after the point we made a decision to do something as the climax of celebratory appreciation for that day. Whenever we feel like going all out, that’s when we’ll do it. Everyday I come home to see my wife is an anniversary.

   There are so many day-to-day acts where Sarah and I show our appreciation for each other. We don’t have to play the “lets be special today” game. In many instances a lot of couples play this game. Before and after the so-called “anniversary” they might resent each other, then they play the “lets act like we love each other game”, not to mention trivializing the merits of what a marriage means and acting like there are not serious underlining problems in the relationship.

   What’s really interesting about the “lets be special for today” traditions, is no matter how much the relationship is in turmoil couples persist in participating in these traditions. How about addressing the core issues with your relationship first before you camouflage the problems with blind tradition? I say this, because this is something I used to do, and it was a pattern that I recognized in a lot of other relationships. As if, the magic in your relationship will be sparked by playing “make believe” for a day.

   The root problem in many of these “lets be special for a day” routines, is it’s just that, a routine. In many instances there are unrealistic expectations attached to these “special” days, as if fireworks will fly out of your eyes and your heart will be so moved with romance that it will explode with emotion. Sorry, but life is not a romance novel, romantic movie and the intimacy that you build into a relationship is based on true and honest intentions. Being selfish and not considering how the other person feels is not a recipe for success. It’s a recipe for resentment and mistrust, not to mention long-term unhappiness.

3. Engagement RingsAs usual I save the best for last. Many of you are probably saying, “Oh no, not the engagement ring!” Oh yes, Oh yes my friends, we are going to talk about the engagement ring. In my view the history of the engagement ring is DeBeer’s, Tiffany’s, Blue Nile’s, Zale’s and host of other diamond/jewelry companies’ best kept secret. As long as we don’t talk about the manipulative tactics of how the engagement ring was marketed into the homes of millions, if not billions we can be rest assured that the practice of the engagement ring is a well warranted tradition. I’m here to tell you that the tradition of the engagement ring is unwarranted and in many instances creates unnecessary financial pressure, not to mention a pocket full of resentment to boot.

   Before I get into the current state of the engagement ring we first have to go back roughly 130 years to find out how diamonds became a girl’s best friend during pre-marriage. In 1880 DeBeers (started by Cecil Rhodes) eventually owned roughly 60% of the diamond market, including supply, distribution, and manufacturing. Within 10 years the now famous De Beers Consolidated Mines Ltd. was formed by the Englishman Cecil John Rhodes to control the sale of diamonds throughout the world. Even today they control 65% of the world’s diamond trade. Now here’s where it gets controversial the concept of “diamonds are forever” was psychological cemented into the minds of millions:

   

   The History of the Engagement Ring
   http://www.diamondwholesalecorporation.com

   From 1880 De Beers were able to control the supply (and price) of diamonds but how were they going to control demand during a period when sales began dropping dramatically (up to 50%) in the 20s and 30s onwards through the great depression?

   Just as platinum started to become popular in diamond engagement rings, diamonds were becoming less valued. Platinum was banned for all but war use during WWII and so the platinum diamond engagement rings as we know them today almost died out.

   The answer to the problem was a new marketing campaign commissioned by De Beers that began in 1947. Perhaps you’ve heard the slogan “A Diamond is forever”? This was to mark the beginning of a change in the history of the engagement ring.

   Subsequent campaigns would convince families to hold on to their diamonds as family heirlooms… and it worked! Used diamonds were not being released back into the industry which in turn created the demand that De Beers were seeking.

   Jewelers were unofficially educated by De Beers to instruct men that two to three months personal wages were an ideal price to pay for the diamond engagement ring that their prospective fiancée’s would gladly accept.

   In 1953 the world’s two most glamorous women of the time Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell were the stars of the hit film musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

   The plot involves Monroe and Russell chasing potential husbands on a cruise to France. The movie also features a very famous song sung by the blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe, Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend.

   This film would have undoubtedly influenced public opinion at the time and will have advanced the popularity of diamonds for years afterwards through Hollywood glamour.

   The film is now 50 years old but it’s still a firm favorite of all who love Hollywood and the legend of Monroe. (Of course there are others: High Society, Breakfast At Tiffany’s, Diamonds Are Forever among them)

   This is where the tradition of the diamond engagement ring really started, all from an advertising campaign that literally “rocked” the world! (Get it? “rocked”…. okay I’ll shut up!) So you see buying a diamond engagement ring isn’t really a popular ancient tradition.

   It’s more a combination of “dreaming of being a princess”, a clever marketing campaign and compelling Hollywood glamour that ultimately promotes diamonds as the only jewels with which to furnish your loved one as a sign of engagement.

   Now keep in mind that this history was unashamedly provided by a diamond wholesaler. If you look at the bottom of the page, the company shamelessly concludes with the following:

   The 21st Century
   The history of the engagement ring has moved on and demand for diamonds and platinum diamond engagement rings is still rising. The tradition is here to stay. Estimated 78% of all engagement rings sold every year are diamond.

   It would seem that no matter what you personally decide, she’ll be expecting a diamond! Free expert advice on diamonds and diamond engagement rings will be given by our Gemologists, via E-Mail or Phone:

   Call Toll Free: 1-800-555-5555 for your Engagement Ring

   See Engagement Rings-Click here!

   The arrogance of these diamond companies is beyond words. Here’s a short story that really captures the essence of why I’m opposed to the engagement/diamond ring. This is a true story that happened around 2000. I can’t remember all the details of the moment, so I’ve have plugged what I can remember, but it went something like this:

   I’ll never forget, let’s call him Jim, was telling me his engagement ring escapades. He was telling me how he was really stressed about finding the right engagement ring. He says this, with glibness and unseemliness, “Dwayne, doesn’t it have to be 3-4 months of your annual salary?” Unknowingly I shrug. He continues, “Man it’s perfect, I got the perfect diamond, but whoa, did it cost me. Roughly around $6-7,000 dollars”. My eyes go wide like an owl. Now inside my head, I’m going, “Say what? Who created these dumb rules anyway? Why should I spend 4 months of my salary just to let someone know that I want to marry them? Shouldn’t our courting be enough?” Nevertheless, Jim continues to go on and on, swooning between regret, fear, excitement, anxiety, resentment, “I guess I just have to”, feelings, and uneasiness throughout the conversation.

   I’ll never forget Jim’s face as he told me this story. Like Mike Tyson when he got punched out by Buster Douglas. Just completely defeated and had no idea what to do next. No guy in his right mind would ever say what they really think of this tradition, because he knows the level of critical heat he will get from his wife to be, the family of the wife, the friends of the wife, and the fear of receiving society’s disapproval from his so-called “cheapness” and “lack of love”. He’ll be labeled as a bum and accused of not really being serious of commitment. Now how DeBeers got to have more “say-so” in what is deemed acceptable and not acceptable engagement tradition is what I have issue with. The fact that the engagement ring is now a requirement before marriage because of a slick marketing program is insane. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ebony, the relationship sections of magazines, Seventeen, Men’s Health, Mademoiselle, King, Cosmopolitan, GQ, Glamour, Marie Claire, Men’s Fitness have more say so on how a man is supposed to “behave” in a relationship, now multi-international diamond companies get to set the pre-guidelines of a decision that will impact me and the women I marry for the rest of our life. Is this not absurd?

   Then we wonder why the divorce rate for marriages in this country is 50%, and of those relationships where the couple is still married and it seems like only 38% of marriages would be considered “happy”. Now what’s wrong with this equation? That means roughly 20% of all marriages are somewhat successful. Under no circumstances am I saying that the diamond ring is exclusively responsible for the divorce rate. What I’m trying to say is imposing traditions on people because “that’s they way it is” creates resentment. Now with all the technology we have to disseminate information, books on relationships, countless books on why divorces happen, and how to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, how is it that we still can’t get it right? As individuals, we are such an arrogant, narcissistic, inconsiderate and conceited group of people, while being ignorant of some of the most basic human characteristics, which is required to maintain a happy relationship. Irrespective of how dangerously inconsiderate our behavior is to the one we say “we love”, whenever there is some entity out there, whether it be some so-called celebrity personality, opinionated friends, uninformed family members, corporations, or societies that caters to our superficial desires and fears, we fall for it hook, line and sinker. Now if you are not going to think of how the other person feels about something, why are you getting married? Are you just getting married because society says it’s time to get married? Do you have some type of tyrannical vendetta against your spouse?

   Now for everything that I’ve said, I realize that we live in a free country and if you’ve chosen or succumbed to the diamond engagement ring as the pre-marriage tradition of choice, I’ll assume that you did it for the right reasons. If you are a man, and you genuinely wanted to participate in this act for the sake of love, then that’s great. If you are a woman, and you genuinely felt the diamond engagement ring was optional and it was irrelevant whether he did or not, then kudos to you. It’s really about the giver’s and receiver’s intention.

   One of the main reasons why I chose not to participate in the diamond engagement tradition, because I felt the tradition was imposed on. Why should so much pressure be put on my shoulders because Cecil Rhodes decided to start a diamond company and create a slick marketing company to make his company more profitable? The merits of his marketing campaign symbolizes the superficiality and blistering ignorance that contributes to unheard of levels of resentment in today’s marriages? I mean, how would woman feel, if a company called DeMean marketed a campaign that said women are required to cook and clean the house for the first 3 years of marriage while the man sits on the couch and does absolutely nothing? Now if you opposed the idea, society accused you of being a bad would-be wife. Then magazine writers, and celebrity journalists started jumping in the fray saying all women who don’t do this are inconsiderate and don’t’ deserve to be with any man?

   Another reason I didn’t participate in the diamond engagement is I didn’t want the engagement ring to become the “make it or break it” on whether my soon to be wife would want to get married to me. One of the most important decisions I made was to tell my wife to be, that I don’t and will not participate in the diamond engagement ring tradition. I told her this in the first year. Here is Sarah’s response after I told her that:

   “Had you bought me a diamond engagement ring, I would have given t right back to you because I am not with. I’m not with you because of some pagan ring tradition, I want to be with you and you don’t need to offer expensive externalities for the sake of love to prove that you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Your behavior, consideration, and actions over the past few years are enough. How could I believe otherwise?”

   In the end, it’s a personal choice that everyone has to make. Keep in mind that this is not just my opinion. I have talked to enough married and soon-to-be married men, that they only did it because they had to, but didn’t really want to. Not out of inconsideration for their spouse, but for many of the reasons that I just mentioned above, but didn’t have the courage to say anything. For some women, they don’t care. Irrespective of the intention, they are getting, as they say today “a ring on their finger”. It’s nice to know that a man’s feeling means nothing, while DeBeers profit margins and how your friends/family/random strangers thoughts about the value of your marriage mean everything.

   My last and final point is I also think the engagement ring is putting the cart before the horse. Now you just got married and people are making this staggering investment into the engagement ring. I think it would be more appropriate to participate in such a tradition maybe 5-10 years in when the marriage has a bit more meat on the bones. The way people do it today is as if they won the marathon already. You are just in the first lap and you are already celebrating. The celebration doesn’t really come, until a bit more time has passed. Once again, just my opinion, but some of these pre-marriage acts are a bit premature.

   Here are some words of wisdom from my wife Sarah:

   As a woman, I have found it hard, one too many times, to stand by and watch other women claim this right to self-entitlement and a twisted form of self satisfaction. Women today seem to feel that a man is only “worthy” of her time and love if he is providing material “rewards” in return (sometimes even ahead of time). Since when has a good relationship been measured by how much money a man has or how much he can provide on a material level? What happened to a man being measured based on his character and ability to be a good husband and a good father? Unfortunately, today’s relationships consist of all these dates and events that were dictated by corporations and expected of people (specifically men) to adhere to.

   I will start with Valentines Day. Who is St. Valentines? Why does he have such a strong hold on us today? Why do we, as women, feel that men should wine us and dine us and over spend on this day? Why should we, as loving spouses limit ourselves or limit our loved ones to feel special or fully loved only on this specific day? Why should this day dictate to us how and when to show our love to a spouse? Why should material objects be the measurement for how much we love someone? What does this day really represent? As Malik already pointed out, it is a mindless, corporate holiday that most men are forced to participate in; unwillingly I might add.

   The truth is, we, as human beings are easily manipulated into participating in holidays and events that mean nothing in reality. Women, you have to understand that men generally participate in this day ONLY because they do not want to hear the drama or be accused of being cheap or unaffectionate or not caring enough. Women, this is a selfish way to behave. Not to mention that such an event actually makes the occasion of gift giving or love sharing less unique and meaningful. How special can this day really be if everyone all over the world is doing the same exact thing only because society said so? Is it not more meaningful to make the effort to show love in a way you choose, when YOU or your SPOUSE chooses to. Why make it this ridiculous chore.

   The same goes for anniversaries. Now, it is nice to remember the day that you and your husband got married, or shared a first event together. However, expecting gifts, flowers, dinner, etc. on this day every year for the rest of ones life is unreasonable. Life is not about what material object can be provided on a certain day to make a person feel special. It is about remembering the event in a positive light and being thankful to God for allowing this person to be in your life.

   What starts off as an innocent celebration soon turns into an unrealistic expectation. Let’s say this year, your husband and yourself go out to a nice Italian restaurant and you exchange gifts. Next year, the expectation will be bigger, may be a nice restaurant with bigger gifts. Then, let’s say the 3rd year, your husband forgets the anniversary; now, there is a sense of betrayal. “How could he forget our anniversary” will run through the mind of most women. In turn, this leads to an argument and the whole meaning of this day is swallowed whole in anger and unrealistic expectations. Do not put so much emphasis on expecting something for an anniversary. Enjoy the day with a smile, a hug, a kiss, and talk about the day’s significance. And, then, if you feel that you want to celebrate in a more traditional light, do so, but don’t make it an annual ritual just because that is what everyone else is doing.

   As a woman who is in love with a strong and loving man, I can tell you this; Valentines Day, anniversaries, and so on do not dictate our relationship to us. Why? Because everyday with Malik is a special day filled with love, respect and warmth. For us, the importance of our relationship is emphasized with a cup of tea made with love, a dinner cooked with care, a warm smile, a sincere thank you, the sharing of cookie or just the peaceful silence of each other.

   Now, I am not saying that Malik and I never enjoy gift giving or special days. Of course we do. However, we do not need a specific day of the year to dictate that to us. We also do not follow an annual ritual for our birthdays, anniversary and other events. When we do share “special” moments it is always random and unexpected. Additionally, we make it a point to not go over the top; we keep it simple filled with characteristics and events dear to us as a couple.

   Now ladies, a separate topic that needs to be addressed; Engagement rings! Ahhhh…the ring! Malik has already done a phenomenal job in explaining to you the history of the ring so I won’t bother to write anymore on that. However, ladies, what is a ring? A piece of metal with a diamond in it that depreciates over time? Yes.

   Who said that a ring is what makes a happy couple? Who said that a ring means that a man loves you anymore that if he didn’t give a ring? Who said that a diamond represents forever; thus making a marriage last forever? Who said that a ring equates to a legal marriage? We all know the answer to these questions yet we still feel the need to pressure our men into buying us these rings of “love” and “eternity.”

   A mans love for you has nothing to do with a metal circle that is placed on a finger. Your worth is not measured by that same metal circle. A mans love for a woman is only measured by the way he treats you, the care he shows you and the respect he gives you. A mans love for a woman is strictly measured by the day to day emotional support and physical fulfillment that he shows you. A mans love is measured in his touch, his smile, his hug, his kiss, his support, his ability to be a good father, his righteous character and his ability to be there for you.

   We as women need to wake up. We need to understand that a man is good when his character is good, when his soul is good, when his heart is good. A good man, a true man, a real man, an honest man cannot be measured by what he provides on a material level. We need to revaluate what society deems as a “good” man and look back into the days of simplicity and humbleness. We need to look into ourselves and understand what truly makes us happy as women. I know for me happiness is attached to Malik. In my eyes, that happiness comes from a strong, intelligent, sincere, righteous and supportive man who is an exceptional husband and is going to be an exceptional father.

III. Conclusion:

Although I’ve only been married for over year, I have a lot of relationship experiences and talked to a lot of married men and women on their experiences. One of the things that really sent the light bulb off in my head was talking to a lot of married and soon-to-be married men/women right out of college. No matter where I was in the world, I took to time to talk to married men and women about their marriage. The problems that they were talking about, were no different that the problems that I had in my relationships. The only difference is they had kids, a mortgage, and a legal contract, binding them together. Let me be honest, a lot of these guys/gals felt dejected and defeated. They made some big mistakes and had unrealistic expectations about married life and what it would be like. I would say to myself, “How is it that I’m in my twenties, just starting life out, and I can identify with this older man in his 50s who’s been married for 20+ years, has 3 kids, a dog, white picket fence, etc. The problem was, is there are tons of these women/men who feel this way. I would just sit and listen during lunch, and hear horror story after horror story. One argument after another, one inconsiderate act after another, one unrealistic expectation after another. At an early age I could trade war stories with them and it troubled me. I could not believe that I was suffering from the same problems in my relationships. The same feelings of resentment, powerlessness, and hopelessness gripped them every night they went home. Unfortunately, that was how a lot of my relationships played out as I got older and older.

I realized that the problems that a lot of people see in their marriages started way before they even got married. They never addressed their past issues and like luggage, just carried it into the next relationship. Like a boulder rolling down a hill, it just accumulates more and more causing more destruction in its path. Some people feel marriage and kids will some how be the elixir to all the ills of the relationship. Don’t believe the hype, there are many who thought so, and have been disappointed. I have concocted a simple list that offer a soothing environment (in my view) for many relationships, and will at least offer a bit more stability in today’s marriages. Considering we aren’t seeing a decline in the national divorce rate, my opinion is a good as anyone else out there.

1. Be Humble/ModestHere are several definitions: Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.

   Whether by choice or necessity, be humble. No matter how pretty or handsome you think you are, or others think you are, no matter how successful or accomplished you think you are, no matter how smart, intelligent, or brilliant you think you are, no matter how wealthy you are and no matter how great you think your race/tribe/culture is, BE HUMBLE!. No one wants to be with an arrogant, prideful, self-absorbed narcissist individual who puts the world last and themselves first. You might think it’s amusing and you might revel every time someone stingingly submits to your whim, but you are not helping anyone by behaving this way. You are only destroying the closes person to you.

   Be appreciative of the physical or spiritual assets that you have been blessed with. Some of us are very fortunate to have the things we have and the best thing we can all do is be appreciative of those gifts. Humility is a beautiful character and is often ignored in a lot of relationships.

2. Set realistic expectations and when you set expectations use some level of logic and reason to come to the conclusion that this is the right expectation.One of the biggest complaints I have heard and seen are people setting unrealistic expectations on each other. What is really fascinating is these expectations are set without using any set of wisdom behind the expectation. It’s important that you consider the other person’s feelings. Now if the person does something that you don’t approve of, berating them into submission is not going to get you any closer to an answer. Sometimes you don’t have to lower your expectation, but a more appropriate term is you have to “change” your expectation.

   We often get into this circular argument of “lower and raising” the expectation. Did you ever think that maybe you had the wrong expectation from the start? Why do we have this superiority complex of whether the expectation is at the right height? And where did you get this expectation from in the first place? In my view, if you don’t have any information to support your expectation, then maybe you should rethink having that expectation? No one is perfect, and as human beings we should know whether our expectation’s can be realistically met. Have the same conversation over and over again is pointless. Either we are going to solve the problem or we are not. Unless someone in the discussion can find common sense reasoning and wisdom behind why they feel the way they do then the argument will be circular

3. Playing follow the so-called “leader”These are destructive or questionable acts that people do, but they do it because everybody else is doing it and it seems like a good idea. It’s important to know why you are doing something and take into account how this something, impacts the other person. Doing something because you feel like doing it, does not mean that it should be done. One thing I’ve noticed is people have a bad habit of doing something because it’s always been that way. Now there’s nothing wrong with following a tradition or pattern of behavior but you should know why you are doing it, and its impact on others.

   As I stated earlier, a lot of traditions we have blindly followed to our own demise. We look around and we are the only one holding the bag wondering “What happened?” It does not have to be this way. Don’t be stubborn. Seek out the reasoning and wisdom behind things. If you are going to put all your energy into a particular tradition or behavior, it’s only right that you seek out the history of that tradition or behavior. Many people, who know me, know that I’m anti-blind tradition. If the act is based on a lie, misinformation, trickery, pagan worship, etc, under no circumstances am I following it. Not to mention from an Islamic perspective, participating in any bidah (innovation) for the sake of anything other than Allah is haram (prohibited). In my view, wisdom and intellect must underscore your decisions. You can see where society has gone when they do things “just cause” with no intellect behind the decision. Verdict: 20% of marriages are considered happy. Running after someone else’s dream and life is not going to make you any happier. What is good for someone else might not be good for you. Pick your choices in life wisely

4. The importance of righteousnessAn often neglected characteristic when people are searching for the love of their life, but seeking out a person who wants to uphold the utmost truth is critical. A person who wavers on the truth for others or themselves is someone who is aspiring to selfishness. Selfishness is the death knell of any relationship. Having a “me” attitude is not cute, it’s actually a very ugly characteristic. Nothing makes someone uglier than being selfish. When you find someone who wants to make sacrifices for the truth, they’ll more than likely make sacrifices for you. For them, the truth is that important.
5. Being genuinely respectful of othersHow many of us say we want to be respected, but don’t really give it out? Do you know how many arguments my wife and have had? 0. Zero. We’ve have discussions but we don’t argue, talk down to each other, never curse at each other, and we definitely don’t use verbal attacks to assassinate each other’s character. If you can’t talk in a calm and controlled voice on a disagreement, then something is wrong. There is no reason to get excited. You put your thoughts on table, I put my thoughts on the table and then we have an intelligent discussion on how to get to a resolution. If we don’t come to a resolution then we wait a day to collect our thoughts, then go back to find a resolution. Every time you violate the regard and esteem of another person, you are not being respectful. By acting in this way you are lowering the quality rung of the relationship. Not only does disrespectful behavior create resentment, but it also positions the other person in a situation where they are dis empowered. Their word does not hold as much value and often can lead to hopelessness and depression.
6. CommunicationWe hear this all the time from some of the biggest and best marriage counselors in the world. Make sure you communicate your feelings. Now the only way you can achieve number 6, is if you do 1 through 5. You will not be able to communicate with someone if you are missing 1 through 5. 1 through 5 has to underscore the way you communicate. If you do 1 through 5, you’ll be able to communicate effectively with your spouse. Very simple.
7. Dealing in self-deception and escapismYet another destructive blow, and probably one of the most dangerous characteristics of any relationship, is denial. Denying that maybe you need to change a couple things, or denying that maybe the person you’re with might have some good intentions behind why they want you to change some things for the better or denying that you need to remove yourself from a destructive relationship. (sorry, run on sentence) Once the self-deception has kicked into full throttle, then the next thing a person does is escapism.

   Now rather than dealing with why they might be struggling to find the “right” one, many people escape into cognitive dissonance. Escapism is a result of self-deception and denial. Some of us may be too quick to use the word “hatin”. As if someone offering constructive criticism is somewhat dealing in jealousy or as the word is used contemporarily, “hatin”. I think in some instances, many of us maybe dealing with a bit of self-deception. By denying the obvious, we accuse others of simply being jealous of something we have. It can be money, status in life, material things, beauty/handsomeness, intelligence, or some other facet of our life. Unfortunately we can’t control how others perceive our behavior, actions, and existence. The best things we can do, is be true to ourselves and that is a bigger and better question. Are we really acting, behaving, and dealing with people on a day-to-day basis in a truthful and reverent manner?

   I’ve seen too many people deal in self-deception for years upon years, only to live a very lonely, secluded and escapist type of life. Is that the purpose of life? I’m right, the world is wrong, so I’ll do what ever I feel like? Can any sensible person really believe in this philosophy?

8. Watch out for the negative “by-myself” meetingGleaned from the words of Cappadonna, the full quote is “every evening I have a by-myself meeting”. Simply it’s a matter of pondering with the thoughts of your conscious to come to a proper conclusion on a particular matter. Now in the context of this relationship post, the negative “by myself” meeting is a conversation that you have with yourself, where you deceive yourself into believing that you are correct on how you are dealing with a particular matter, but you are actually incorrect.

   As human beings, we have these “by-myself” meetings all the time. Normally we take our own personal experiences, pieces of conversations, outside advice and try to come to a conclusion on what to do. Unfortunately our egos can block proper resolve, and rather then getting to the right answer, we fall into a defensive pose of circular arguments (like a dog running after it’s tail). Not realizing that we are spinning around in the same circle over and over, we can miss an opportunity to resolve a particular issue. Be very careful of the negative “by-myself” meeting, it can lead to denying the obvious while encouraging anti-intellectualism and poor judgment.

9. Keep things simpleOne of the biggest gifts that Sarah and I have is we are very simple people. We occasionally do things, but we spend a lot of time at home. Remember what I said earlier, that seeing my wife every day was an anniversary. I wasn’t saying that just to say that. Every single day I can’t wait to come home to my wife. The home
   should be a place of tranquility and peace. The outside world is a stressful place. After we all come home from a hard day’s work, whether you are a woman or a man, the last thing you want, is to come home to a stressful household. Try making the home a place of relaxation. Behind every good man can be good woman, and behind every good woman can be a good man. I truly believe that. We don’t have to be control freaks, we don’t have to be overbearing, we don’t have to be inconsiderate, and we don’t have to be stressed out because of the minutia of life. We actually have the power to simplify things and enjoy life. Life is too short to continue imposing our will on each other. Be patient and enjoy the simplicities of life with your spouse. Thanks for reading and I wish you all well in your future relationships.

Welcome to Part II of “What’s eating Malik?” series. If you want to view Part I, (The Politics of Food Consumption and Production), feel free. Before I get started, I want to say that this post is an exploration in interrogating the worlds norms. I have many close friends that are in the music business. Some are DJs, rappers, singers, musicians, performers, poets etc. In no way is this trying to take away those efforts or the efforts of past artists. I realize that music is inextricably tied into many facets of our society, but it does not mean we have to keep it that way.

So what spawned this post has to do with a lecture that I was listening to by Dr. Bilal Philips on the ruling of music in Islam (yes for those who don’t know me I’m Muslim). Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that this post is not an attempt to offer some type of fatwa (religious ruling) on music. I am no Islamic scholar or neuroscience music specialist. The point of this post is to offer out-of-the box critique of the current state of music and its impact on society. Okay, back to the post…

So to my surprise I found out that most forms of music in Islam is prohibited. Yes, even the more so-called “cleaner” and “educational” parts of the music. Trust me, I was heart-broken. No more Immortal Technique, no more Wu-tang Clan, no more John Coltrane, no more Fela Kuti, no more Beatles, no more X-Clan, no more Sam Cooke, no more Burning Spear, no more Bob Marley, no more KRS-One the list goes on, and not even Gospel music. So I’m sure you are asking yourself, Why? I asked myself the same question. I just could not believe that the 25+ years that I have spent listening to music, which in my view had inspired so much progressive thinking was prohibited. Not to mention the countless relationships/friendships that I’ve built because I had a shared interest in music with others. I was like..damn…would I still know Mr. Wizard, my boy Clarence from Florida,Adisa Banjoko, etc. Too many people to mention.

So I spent a lot of time researching the reasons why most forms of music is prohibited in Islam. Now, as a Muslim of logic and reason, it’s actually quite easy to understand why Islam prohibits most forms of music. If anyone is interested in listening to the lecture that was the catalyst for this post, click below:

Although Dr. Bilal Phillips gave a very compelling and satisfying argument for the prohibition of most forms of music, not to mention other scholars, I had to take it a step further. I wanted to play, as they say “devil’s advocate”, and look at the end result of societies foray into accepting music as a ritual that is seen as merely a tradition of leisure, hobby, pleasure, and today a business, which generated $11 billion dollars in 2006.

So my first step was to go back hundreds, if not thousand of years into the origins of music and its sole purpose. Now thousands of years ago we did not have the sophisticated technological distribution system, advanced musical instruments and billion dollar marketing system, so obviously music had a different form and purpose then. If you compare what was “music”, 50,000 years ago and what music is today, we are not just talking apples and oranges here, we are talking about apples and an anvil. Two completely distinct sounds. So for the most part “music” served more communal purposes for small groups. In some instances music was used for mating rituals, to sound the alarm when there was a threat, and for various celebratory rituals and spiritual practices. There were small distinct communities partaking in different sets of musical practices with a purpose, mostly spiritual and to create social cohesion. There are lots of theories and claims to the purpose of music during/after the pre-historic era. For Darwin he believes music ties into his theory of natural selection and sexual selection:

This is Your Brain on Music, Darwin’s theory of sexual selection, Pg 251

Might music play a role in sexual selection? Darwin thought so. In The Descent of Man he wrote, “I conclude that musical notes and rhythm were first acquired by the male or female progenitors of mankind for the sake of charming the opposite sex. Thus musical tones became firmly associated with some of the strongest passions an animal is capable of feeling, and are consequently used instinctively….” In seeking mates, our innate drive is to find-either consciously or unconsciously-someone who is biologically and sexually fit, someone who will provide us with children who are likely to be healthy and able to attract mates of their own. Music may indicate biological and sexual fitness, serving to attract mates.

Hmm….well if you look at the practices of some of the most ancient tribes today, music does play a role in mating rituals, but not always. There are dozens of other roles that music takes on, and it’s not necessarily connected to anything sexual. If you study some of the oldest forms of music which undoubtedly goes to the Native Americans and Africans, you clearly see the diverse array of roles that music plays in the community. I’m not here to argue what came first, was it sexual or was it spiritual? You can decide for yourself. Theories abound but there is no finality amongst the professional music theorists on the first initial purpose of music.

So clearly the sound, cost, purpose, and distribution of music has changed since 50,000 years ago and this is where the true cost of music begins. In my view (also from the research I’ve done), there are 4 main reasons why music has so much appeal:

1. Obviously there is the evolutionary/genetic code of music that has been passed down from generation to generation. From the womb, our mothers have been singing us to sleep and those musical practices of our ancestors is obviously going to find it’s way into our day-to-day lives.
   What is music? Pg 6
   http://whatismusic.info/chapters/whatismusic-2-what-is-music.pdf

   Some changes may have resulted from genetic changes that had only a very marginal effect on reproductive success. There is a certain probability that some changes will become permanent even though they have no effect or even a slightly negative effect on reproductive success. This can happen particularly if a species is occasionally reduced to a very small population, or if a new species evolves from a very small sub-population of its ancestor species

   This is Your Brain on Music, Infants and music, pg 252

   Mother-infant interactions involving music almost entail both singing and rhythmic movement, such as rocking or caressing. This appears to be culturally universal. During the first six months or so of life, as I showed in Chapter 7, the infant brain is unable to clearly distinguish, the source of sensory inputs, vision, hearing, and touch meld into a unitary perceptual representation. The regions of the brain that will eventually become the auditory cortex, the sensory cortex, and the visual cortex are functionally undifferentiated, and inputs from the various sensory receptors may connect to many different parts of the brain, pending pruning that will occur later in life. As Simon Baron-Cohen has described it, will all this sensory cross talk, the infant lives in a state of complete psychedelic splendor (without the aid of drugs).

2. When music is played, there are areas of the brain that create emotional and pleasurable experiences for us. Many times these moods can be tied to memorable experiences. The equivalent of what most would say is a “good mood” or a “great time”.
   
   This is Your Brain on Music, The pleasure principle, pg 167

   Music works because we remember the tones we have just heard are relating them to the ones that are now just being played. Those groups of tones-phrases-might come up later in the piece in a variation or transposition that tickles our memory system at the same time as it activates our emotional centers. In the past ten years, neuro-scientists have shown how intimately related to our memory system is with our emotional system.

   This is Your Brain on Music, Yay, I got my Dopamine fix, pg 191

   The rewarding and reinforcing aspects of listening to music seem then, to be mediated by increasing dopamine levels in the nucleus accumbens, and by the cerebellum’s contribution to regulating emotion through it’s connections to the frontal lobe and the limbic system. Current neuropsychological theories associate positive mood and affect with increased dopamine levels, one of the reasons that many of the new antidepressants act on the dopaminergic system. Music is clearly a means for improving people’s moods. Now we think we know why

3. The technology and sophisticated production of music is so advanced that creators of music can now exploit certain sounds that appeal to the pleasurable parts of the brain.
   
   This is Your Brain on Music, Brainy music, pg 107

   Our Brains use cues about the spectrum of the sound and the type of echoes to tell us about the auditory world around us, much as a mouse uses his whiskers to know about the physical world around him. Recording engineers have learned to mimic those cues to imbue recordings with a real-world, lifelike quality even when they’re made in sterile recording studios.

   There is a related reason why so many of us are attracted to recorded music these days-and especially now that personal music players are common and people are listening to headphones a lot. Recording engineers and musician shave learned to create special effects that tickle our brains by exploiting neural circuits that evolved to discern important features of our auditory environment. These special effects are similar in principle to 3-D art, motion pictures, or visual illusions, none of which has been around long enough for our brains to have evolved special mechanisms to perceive them; rather, they leverage perceptual systems that are in place to accomplish other things. Because they use these neural circuits in novel ways, we find them especially interesting. The same is true of the way that modern recordings are made.

   If you think the music industry is not hip to the impact on how music impacts the brain, check this note worthy piece of information:

   This is Your Brain on Music, EMI and MRI, pg 128

   The research on the development of the first MRI scanners was performed by the British company EMI, financed in large part from their profits on Beatles records, “I Want to Hold Your Hand” might well have been titled “I Want to Scan Your Brain.”.

4. The social, cultural, and community dynamics that has been created from the distribution of music in the last 100 years.
   
   This is Your Brain on Music, Western culture and music, pg 232, 233

   In Western culture in particular, the choice of music has important social consequences. We listen to music that our friends listen to. Particularly when we are young and in search of our identity, we form bonds or social groups with people whom we want to be like, or whom we believe we have something in common with. As a way of externalizing the bond, we dress alike, share activities, and listen to the same music. This ties into the evolutionary idea of music as a vehicle for social bonding and societal cohesion. Music and musical preferences become a mark of personal mood and group identity.

   Also, our brains are developing and forming new connections at an explosive rate throughout adolescence, but this slows down substantially after our teenage years, the formative phase when our neural circuits become structured out of our experiences.

I think one of the first artists I can remember listening to is Bob Marley. I vividly remember songs like “Crazy Baldhead” and “Buffalo Soldier”. I’m actually quite sure that my early introduction to liberation music, set the stage for what would later become an obsession with so-called “conscious” and “underground” hip hop. My early musical exposure was mostly reggae. The music from my generation would come from the era known as the “Golden Era” of hip hop. My favorite artist at the time was KRS-One/Big Daddy Kane/Branubians and later on groups like Wu-tang Clan\Beatnuts.

One of the things that I wondered is why do I have such a connection to hip hop and artist that affiliate themselves with this genre of music? Is it the neo-Afro centricity that I find appealing? Is it the fact that the artists look like me? Is it the fact the message fills in the void of black liberation theology? Does the thump of the drum bring me back to the fate of my ancestors? Not only that, but why is it that music from Beethoven to Rage Against the Machine to Ella Fitzgerald to Howlin Wolf seem to appeal to me?

(out of respect I have removed the name of the artists, but you can just about plug in a whole hosts of artists below that fit the bill)
Eventually, I wondered why am I spending so much money on artists that don’t necessarily have the same views as me? Why do I suspend morals, values, and my personal views on artists, but then say that I aspire to those same views? How is it that I can suspend my judgment, because I agree with some of what the artist is saying and the beat makes me feels good, at least that is what my brain is firing off at the moment. I’m basically paying an artist to make me feel good, not to mention enriching the executives of music industry who are clearly corrupt and have been ripping off artists for dozens of years. Why should I give the green light to such artists as _________, who speaks of many positive and uplifting things but then performs at tours that are sponsored by alcohol companies? Why should I give another dollar to _________ when just like any other capitalist he sells hats for $300 dollars a pop while advertising for luxury gas guzzling car companies? Not very progressive at all. I’m sure many of these artist have done great things for society, but why the mixed message?

Why should I give _________or any other so-called rock group another dollar, when drugs, alcohol and womanizing is par for the course? Why should I spend another dollar on _________, when I know I don’t smoke weed? Why should I give another dollar to _________, when his music still maintains many elements of materialism and braggadocio, when I believe in being modest and maintaining your accomplishments more quietly. As much as I commend _________ for his efforts on pointing out the obvious racism at _________, one of the issues that’s missing in music is consistent accountability. Many say, “oh it’s just entertainment, what’s the big deal?”, but at the same time, regardless of whether it’s entertainment or not, why support something that is not necessarily inline with your views and how you live your life. I realize that I was not holding music to task and I was clearly being a “hypocrite”. Why should I pay the music industry money to prove that I’m a hypocrite?

Clearly music is not “just entertainment”. It has a very strong influence on the mind, our behavior and our actions. I don’t say so, but science says so. Why should I spend another dollar on _________ when he’s been advertising for Hennessey for years? Why should some over-priced symphony get another dollar of my money when some child in Africa is starving to death? Why should I spend another dollar on the music industry when they have used the drum as a distraction? What is the significance of ________ being a musical genius, or _________ a great saxophonist, or _________ or _________ being a great rapper, or ________ being a great musician? I wonder how many DJs know where the artists are from Stax Records and see if they are doing alright considering how many samples they used from these artists? Many of them, poor and forgotten souls.

What does any of this have to do with the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Africa or the fact that the people are dying from HIV in the United States at an alarming rate? How many people at concerts from progressive artists actually spend time with the youth to help them become better human beings and leaders? How many people at a ________ concert actually went out of their way to give as much money to a charity as they did to ________ or ________? How much charity are these artists doing anyway? Don’t I have a right to know since I’m helping to pay their mortgages, luxury cars, plush lifestyle, not to mention the tuition fees of their children for many of these artists, record executives? So what’s my ROI (Return on Investment) music industry? What have you done with my money? I’m happy to say that I will not drop another dime in the music industry. In too many instances, one big illusion of regurgitated concepts that’s packaged in different ways, so that it resonates with different audiences. For the amount of money and time that is poured into this industry, shouldn’t there be more than just memorable experiences (neural and physical)?

So I did some numbers crunching on how much money and time that I’ve spent on music. I’d say I own about 700 albums. This includes vinyl, tapes, and cds. I think a fair price is about $15 dollars a cd, $10 dollars a tape, and about $7 dollars for vinyl. Now these are rough estimates and I’m taking the mean cost between when I started buying music (1991).

500 (cds), 150 (tapes), 50 (vinyl)

So here are the numbers:
$7500 (cd), $1500 (tapes), $350 (vinyl), Total: $9350

Now you might say, we’ll that’s not too bad over 15 years, but lets continue…

Now some of you have more/less music and spent more/less time than me on music and music related activities. You should do this exercise at home and try to calculate the cost. So now, let’s go to the statisticians and see how much the world spends on music and concerts.

check these impressive 2007 numbers:
Bon Jovi topped the list with a gross of $56.3 million, followed by Bruce Springsteen, with $40.8 million, and Van Halen, with $36.8 million.

In addition to rock and pop, country acts placed high on the Pollstar list. Kenny Chesney is No. 4, with $35.3 million; Rascal Flatts No. 8, with $25.4 million; and the bill of Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood grossed $18.5 million to reach No. 11. With the exception of Kanye West (No. 6, with $31.6 million) and the Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige tour (No. 7, $30.7 million), hip-hop is largely absent.

More numbers:

The Police reunion trek led all tours in 2007 with a gross that has passed $212 million and is still climbing. The global tour few thought would ever happen moved more than 1.8 million tickets, according to Billboard Boxscore, prior to the Boxscore cutoff date of Nov. 13

Keep in mind that these numbers do not include sales of food/alcohol/memorabilia. These numbers are truly staggering. Now I have not included the concerts fees, drinks/food I bought at the concert, after concert food outing fees, memorabilia, and the most valuable asset, TIME. The time for searching for tickets, time spent calling people to meet up at a concert, time spent traveling to the venue, time spent going to a club to listen to music, time spent attending the club while listening to music, time spent listening to music while I was idle, time spent searching for music at the record store or nowadays downloading mp3s, time spent traveling to the record store, then back home, time spent watching music videos, etc etc. Time spent talking to friends about the music we just listened to. As you can see a big chunk of your day is taking up by music and music related activates, not to mention your disposable income. Now it’s nearly impossible to accurately calculate productivity plus time, but as you see we are not spending our time wisely.

Many of us have attended concerts that go late into the night. I mean if you get to a concert at 10pm and leave at 4am, that’s about 6 hours. Not including travel time. So lets slap on another 2 hours for travel time. That’s 8 hours. 1/3 of entire day! Not to mention that money you spend on tickets and drinks at the venue. Think about how many times you have done that in your life. Whether going to a concert, music festival, or some band at a local bar. How many of us have spent 8 hours learning how to eradicate poverty? Or 8 hours on how to help our youth spend their money more wisely? Or 8 hours mentoring a child? Or 8 hours at a hospital helping the elderly? Or 8 hours feeding the poor? Or 8 hours on how we can fix the environment? Or 8 hours on how we can create universal healthcare for this country? Or 8 hours learning on how to treat people with dignity and respect? Or 8 hours on how to get clean running water to the every human being on this planet? Or 8 hours learning how to love each other without using racism, classism, tribalism or arrogance in our heart? Or 8 hours understanding the complexities of our political process, lobbyist, and how it relates to political power? Or 8 hours on the relationship between excessive western consumerism and the subjugation of economies in developing countries? How many of us have spent 10 thousand dollars or more in 15 years on the causes I just mentioned?

How is it that our desire for music and enjoyment is so strong, that are negligence towards humanity does not even enter our minds long enough that we want to take serious action? Are we so bereft of compassion, pro-activism, and awareness that the culture of music pre-occupies our time , mind and efforts more so than some of the most basic needs of society?

How ironic are these lyrics by Lauryn Hill:
Music is supposed to inspire
How come we ain’t getting no higher?
Now tell me your philosophy
On exactly what an artist should be

These are the questions I eventually asked myself which led me to write this blog post. Now when you add up my music cost, time cost, cost of alcohol/food I spent at venues where there was music, the number easily jumps up to $20,000 to $30,000 dollars over 15 years. Many people don’t even have that type of cash in their bank accounts. I have not even added the value of that money, if I invested the money. So lets take the lower cost range. Let’s say I took $20K and invested it over 15 years in a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust) and received a return of 8%. That’s roughly 1,333 a year. That value is about 42K.

So if we multiply this number times half of the American population, the number is this:
6,300,000,000,000. Yes that 6 trillion dollars over 15 years! We haven’t even taken into account global music sales. Keep in mind that these are rough estimates, but think about how much we could have accomplished with that wealth? Are we prepared to spend trillions and trillions more in the next 15 years when the US deficit is 9 trillion dollars? Are we prepared to continue this with the abhorrent amount of poverty that exists in this nation and around the world? Does society love music that much?

For most people the idea of changing their music habits brings about a feeling of dread, uncomfortableness and even disbelief that I might as well have said, “How about not breathing for 30 minutes?” Ask yourself, why do you feel that way? A bigger question is to look deeply at “Why do we do the things we do?” Are we aware of how our behavior impacts the world around us? Why do I have such an attachment to music? What is the root of our desires and the true intentions behind our actions?

This blog post is rife with rhetorical questions, because you can only get to your true intentions by interrogating your personal sensibilities. Most people don’t, because they are afraid of revealing who they truly are and the social blow-back of going against “societal norms”. To be honest, I think there is a level of self-deception going on that has not been addressed yet. Modern music is not the only cultural phenomenon that is worthy of questioning. There are many things in this world that need a serious level of questioning and are worthy of re-evaluation. Life is not as simple as it may seem, but can also be less complicated.

If you are reading this, you probably got farther than most people. Knowledge is earned, not given. Some will discount this lengthy blog as yet another diatribe, call me a lunatic/insane, try to discredit me, while others will be more open-minded about questioning the world around them. We don’t have to be cynical anymore. We have all the information we need to make the right decisions for the betterment of ourselves and others. I know this may sound like a “kumbaya” moment, but its not. That is what the cynics would say, and I am no cynic. I’m a man of conviction, honesty, and genuine about surfacing the best parts of what humanity has to offer. As human beings we still have not reached our highest potential and we have yet to put in place the proper tools to get there. I wish you well on your next life journey.

• This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession by Daniel J. Levitin
• Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit by Daniel Quinn
• The Secret History of the American Empire: The Truth About Economic Hit Men, Jackals, and How to Change the World by John Perkins
• Creating a World Without Poverty: Social Business and the Future of Capitalism by Muhammad Yunus
• The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto